My family has struggled financially for most of my life. I learned pretty early on how to turn 20 bucks into a weeks worth of dinners for five and how to make sure there was still extra incase we had to feed a few extra people. By no means does this mean I have had the hardest of lives, my mom and dad have always made sure there was food on the table for kids and all of the kids really needed to have. They have even made my home, a home to my friends when they needed a warm place to sleep and food to eat. I have be no means had a bad life in fact if you ask me I've had a great one because I learned that there are things drastically more important than money. On that same note I go to a 40,000 dollar a year school and while yes a large portion of that does get covered by aid from the school enough it doesn't to make me worry. In 10 days I need to make a payment on my tuition and up until I started a crowdfunding campaign and doing side work for people when I can I didn't know where that money was going to come from. I am thankful that I am blessed with friends who want nothing more than to see me get back to school but I still have 180 dollars to come up with and am terrified that I won't make it back to school because I don't come up with it. So today I bring you a list of the worst parts of not knowing if you'll have to money to get back to school.

1. You still pack.

You don't know if you'll have the cash together but you still have to pack so that if you can you aren't rushing through packing to get there. You then spend the whole time you're packing hoping and praying to anyone who will listen that you don't have to put everything back into its place because you don't have it.

2. You get mad

You start thinking about all the kids from your high school who had C-D GPAs and got full rides for sports. If you're a pagan like me you start getting mad about all of the church scholarships you could have gotten if it weren't for the fact you put other gods before the grand old christian one. You start thinking about how many jobs turned you down this summer and how you are certain you were qualified. You start thinking about how If you had gone to a less expensive school and majored in something with science you would have gotten more scholarships. You start thinking about how many scholarships you have applied for only to be turned do and how many contests you didn't win and you get mad about it all at once because you start thinking you worked twice as hard for half as much.

3. You feel terrible.

Every time someone offers you pity work, or donates to the cause you feel worthless. You think if you had just worked a little harder, if you had just tried a little harder you wouldn't have had to ask for help to begin with. You wish you could just had them all the money back and not have to worry about it. Instead you thank them over and over because you don't know why they gave their kindness to you but you are unbelievably grateful for it.

4. You don't sleep.

Your head starts going over a million things all at once so sleep is hard to come by. So you start spending those late nights applying for scholarships and worrying about everything that could go wrong. Eventually you fall asleep wake up and start again.

5. You consider selling everything you own.

Which, if you're me, isn't much, and then you realize you can't because you need the few things you do own, either because nudity isn't allowed in public or because you do in fact need your laptop to do school work.

Those are the five worst things about not know if you'll have the money to get back to school.

For anyone who has the means, this [https://www.youcaring.com/cheyanna-ball-621679] is a link to my crowd funding campaign. If you can, please share and donate to my continued education.