Another year gone, and it's now time to talk about the movies that I hated the most in 2017. I'm proud to say that I didn't walk out of any of these movies, solely because I wanted to give a full and fair opinion of them.
Also, just a disclaimer: my list will most likely be different from yours, and if you enjoyed any of these movies, that's completely okay! This is just my opinion.
For the record, number one is the worst of the five, and five is the, I guess, "best" of the five.
With that being said, let's get into the crap!
1. The Emoji Movie
Yes, I actually paid real American currency to watch this movie, and I use the term “movie” loosely. I actually went to the theater thinking it would be so bad that it would be funny, but I was so wrong. It was so boringly and awkwardly dreadful…
Combined with the terrible theater experience I had with all the children around me, and the movie being utterly pointless and lost in every conceivable way, I don’t even like talking about how bad Emoji Movie is. I never thought a movie with Patrick Stewart in it would ever rival “Food Fight” for worst animated feature. Please. Spare yourself. Don’t watch The Emoji Movie. 3.4/10
2. Keep Watching
This movie had just one showing across America on Halloween night at 7:30 p.m., I think it was. Initially, I thought it was going to be a creative tie-in with the film, and I was dead wrong. The only reason this movie had one showing was because it was so abysmal that it could only afford one showing.
It’s just another bizarre found-footage flick that is in no way creative or interesting. The movie begins by showing the audience that cameras are hidden all throughout a family’s home, including one in the microwave.
There’s a camera in a microwave. I wonder if it’s a heat-resistant camera or something because I know once you microwave electronics, bad things happen
There is literally a scene where a 12-year-old child takes a picture of his stepmom's butt as she's bending over and sends it to his friend. Yeah. That’s only dipping your toes in the pool of crap that is “Keep Watching,” which is only ~marginally~ better than Emoji Movie. 3.5/10
3. Geostorm
When was the last time Gerard Butler was in a good movie? I’ll give you five seconds to name me one…
If you like clunky, CGI messes with few redeeming qualities, then Geostorm is your movie. 3.9/10
4. The Snowman
Possibly the most disappointing movie of 2017, “The Snowman” had every chance to be a good movie but absolutely squandered its ability to adapt an excellent novel. Insanely boring and incredibly jumpy, don’t expect any thrills or interesting devices. 5/10
5. Alien: Covenant
I might catch a little flak for this one, but when I first saw this movie I didn’t think it was good, but also didn’t think it was bad. It stood out to me as a mediocre continuation of a saga to milk more money out of a franchise, but after it sat with me a little while, I realized how terrible it was. It added literally nothing to the Alien universe, and just about everything in the film is predictable. Points for it being an Alien movie, but that’s about all this film has to offer. 5.2/10
