On Monday the 21 of March, I finally made it back into the gym. I was absent for about 11 months prior to that. Last year during the Spring I began working out again, but I had financial problems so I could not afford a summer membership. My gym habit was destroyed. Now, I have enough motivation and money to get back in and start the grind again. The rest of the week was a nightmare of first-week-back-in the-gym problems. Here are the five stages you may encounter if you decide it's time to cast off the dad-bod and join the pantheon.

1. Motivation

Before you step foot in Brodin's holy temple, you have to get motivated. Why should you bother to get up off the couch and do something that's going to make you sweaty, tired and self-conscious? Some people think that motivation is something that pushes the ball down the hill: it gets things rolling. Once you give it that little nudge everything takes off. Sadly, motivation is the first stage. But, it is the easiest to do. You get pumped up, convince yourself that you're going to get in there and you make a plan.

2. Pre-workout

So you actually managed to motivate yourself enough to make it to the gym? Great! You stroll in feeling like this:

You know that you're going to kill it because it's the pre-workout stage, you haven't put yourself to the test yet. The realization of how long you've gone without taking care of your body hits during stage three.

3. Workout

You start your first exercise, estimate what weight you THINK is the right weight for you and begin. Suddenly the facade you created during motivation and pre-workout vanishes. You are not nearly as strong as you think you are. The sobering reality stings, but it also encourages you to work harder, to get better. So you finish your workout.

4. Post-workout

You did it. You finished your entire workout. Yes, you are far weaker than you initially thought, but you made it through. That overwhelming sense of confidence and success almost entirely numbs you to the fact that you may be in for a world of pain tomorrow. You may not know it yet, but it is coming for you with a vengeance.

5. The next day

You wake up. You don't move out of fear. You flex a few muscles to see how sore you are. A little pain, but nothing major. You sit up. You turn to the side and place your feet on the ground. You can tell you're sore, but maybe you're okay. You stand.

The wrath of Satan himself courses through your legs, and you nearly fall over in pain. Suddenly the realization washes over you; you're screwed. Enjoy the next week of walking around, hopefully you don't have any classes on the third story of a building like I did! Happy lifting!