If you are lucky enough to not understand why someone has been grieving for so long, or why someone misses their loved one so much, please consider yourself grateful.
Throughout my life, I have lost more loved ones than I can count on both hands. Although it did show me the hardest side of life, I find myself missing them every single day. Here are 5 truths I have learned throughout this.
- It comes in waves. My late Aunt Pat taught me this years before she passed. She taught me that one day you may feel totally okay, and then the next you are crying and lost. Ironic how I now feel this way about her. For anyone grieving, you will have good and bad days, there will always be a mixture. Like a wave of the ocean, it will come and it will go. I lost my grandfather 10 years ago, I can still cry to this day about him.
- You never, "get over it", you just learn to live with it. It has been over 5 years since I have lost my grandfather and my great grandfather- and it has not gotten easier, I have just taught myself to live with it. Losing someone is not a light switch or a hurdle to overcome, you just find and teach yourself coping skills to make the weight a little less heavy. My father still struggles over the loss of his parents at a young age, but he still knows how to live with it, same as my mother.
- They are irreplaceable, and you will never find another like them. As it has always been said, there is only one you- and this can expand onto loss as well. When you lose someone, you realize you will never find another being that is the same as them, but you will find things that remind you of them. This can include music, hobbies, colors, songs, animals and more. For example, a lot of people relate to a white butterfly that reminds them of their loved one.
- Being able to talk openly about it will take time. Loss equals pain and pain equals the ignorance of reality. This results in avoiding talking about painful things or events that make us sad. Over time, you will find yourself feeling comfortable in discussing them, and you will finally feel relieved to be able to communicate your feelings. This does not happen overnight, so give yourself time to heal.
- Signs from heaven are real. Every time I hear "The Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler, it takes me back to my Aunt Pat. This song perfectly explains how losing her affected me, she was my hero, and still is! One day, driving past her old home in PA, the second I turned around to the road, this song came on the radio. I cried and thanked God. Look out for these signs, your loved ones are always near. They come when you are least expecting it.
Losing a loved one is never easy, and if you need support or assistance never hesitate to reach out. Never neglect your social time or feel guilty for being able to move on. This is a process and it takes a very long time, but with the right coping skills and lessons you can overcome this. No one will truly understand your exact feelings, but it doesn't hurt to be able to lessen the weight on your shoulders. You can do this.
Love Always, Mel.
