*This article contains some very personal information in which I had the strength to share, please keep negative comments to yourself*

1...2...3...easy. A piece of cake. Simple as pie. The first few steps are always the easiest.

15...16...17...18 still pretty easy. No bumps in the road. No problems at all.

30...31...32... things are getting a bit difficult. You can feel your heart starting to beat faster

87...88... everything is starting to go numb. You can't think. You can't feel.

120...140...160... winded. Wanting to give up. Unsure how close you are to the end. Wondering if it will all be worth it.

175…185…looking back on the past stairs and remembering how easy and how great those were and the fact that you would do anything to go back to the easy part of the journey

194... you hit the halfway mark... you stop to catch your breath hoping there were only 175. You want to stop. You have to stop. You can't go on. But the view is beautiful. It feels like you are literally on top of the world. All you have to do is go down.

10 steps…20 steps, more stairs right before your eyes… you thought you were done, but you were wrong. You told yourself you were done. No more stairs for you. you made it far enough to say you did it. You're finished.

193 more steps up to the top…your head is telling you no, but others are saying yes. you know you'll regret it if you don’t.

Step 1 you look up at the long journey.

Step 10 you look behind you wanting to go back down and give up.

Step 35 you ask if you're any closer to the top.

Step 68 you beg for help with a few last breaths of air.

Step 83 you stop for a moment and think about how difficult this is and how much easier it all would have been if you would have just given up 83 steps ago…

Step 124 your eyes feel heavy, sweat dripping from your forehead, your lungs gasping for every breath they can get, your heart beating in your ears, your bod is telling you you've had enough.

Step 160 you see the light in the hope that it is the top, but it is nearly just a window. You can't take it anymore; you're moving so slowly that you have realized you are alone. They made it to the top before you; tears roll down your face not knowing how many more steps you have to take until the pain comes to a halt.

Step 161 moving slowly taking it one at a time, on your hands and knees, you squint hoping it will be all over soon

step 165 you sit there and watch few people pass you, you watch others continue to fight their way to the top when you have simply given up.

Step 166 as you open your eyes, you see a hand… a hand reaching out to yours for help, a hand giving you hope, telling you that there are only 9 more steps to go, telling you-you can do it.

step 167…168…169…170… 23 more steps to go… still gasping for air but having hope because someone reached out to you and gave you hope…

step 181…182…183…184… filled with pain but the hope is overtaking your body tears rushing down your face because you realized that you could indeed do it with some help.

Step 189…looking up to the top and finally seeing the light, you know you've made it, you're so close to something that you could reach out and grab it.

Step 193… that adds up to 378… 378 stairs later all for a view like this:

387 steps and halfway I wanted to give up, half way I wanted to be done, half way at 194 steps I wanted to end it all…

But if I would have stopped at step 194 I wouldn't have lasted to see the view of step 378… I wouldn't have seen what those last 193 steps had to offer.

Walking up those 378 stairs were so much more than just walking up 378 stairs.

December of 2016 I tried to take my life.

After walking up 18 years worth of stairs, I wanted to be done. I wanted to give up. I felt worthless.

But after trying to take my life, I stopped and thought about it. What would it be like if I was really gone? What view would I be missing out on?

I’d be missing out on so many “views,” such as:

My friends graduating

An entire summer of working at camp

The rest of my three years of college

So many more milestones important people in my life will be going through

I’d miss out seeing ho way life plays out…

Walking up the 378 stairs reminded me that life is so precious and although that it is a hard journey, the view will all be worth it in the end.

For more views that I did not miss out on please follow the link to my photography page to see more! http://earcherphotography.weebly.com