You know 'em, you love 'em, you are one or all of 'em. Here are the different types of drunks you will inevitably come in contact with, or be yourself:
1. The "I'm not even drunk" drunk
The drunker this drunk gets, the more sober she thinks she is. This drunk will be found trying to convince her friends that after about 4 long islands she can still do a cartwheel, and is actually pretty believable, until she crashes straight into the DJ booth.
2. The drunk who's life is over
This overly-emotional drunk will be sobbing hard over the fact that a boy said she has small tits five years ago, or because "I just feel like you hate me since I ate the last piece of pizza." Whatever it may be, you can find her eye-makeup, that she took about 20 minutes perfecting before heading out, streaming down her face.
3. The Houdini
Don't turn your back for even a second, because this drunk will be out of your sights and gone forever. Very fun at pregames, but once the vodka enters her system, you won't see her for the rest of the night. You'll wake up the next morning with a text from her saying she woke up in a random frat house with one shoe.
4. The "I think I can dance" drunk
This girl has just entered a video shoot for a music video. She will find an elevated surface, and she will dance on top of it.
5. The clumsy drunk
This drunk is portrayed in every movie or TV show to ever depict a drunk. She breaks a nail and/or an ankle.
6. The "I really love you, new best friend, even though we just met in the bathroom" drunk
This girl goes to pee and comes back with an entire new squad. "Oh my god, I hate her too!!" is essentially the basis of the new friendships made.
7. The harlet
This drunk has had five tequila shots, finds her Chemistry TA out at the bar and insists she'll do anything for an A. You'll either receive a Snapchat of her in his bed the next morning or of a sexual harassment email.
8. The sleeping beauty
This drunk is usually put to sleep on a random couch the rest of the party until you are ready to go home, and then carry her to her bed. She has had one too many.
9. The puker
A borderline alcoholic, this girl slurs her words and either grabs you to hold her hair back in the bathroom, or insists she needs NO help and to leave her alone. It's always one or the other. She falls asleep on the toilet and always needs to be taken home.
10. The mom
AKA the babysitter, or the aggressively-sober drunk. She holds the puker's hair back, tells boys to leave her girls alone, and makes sure everyone gets home safe.
11. The therapist
This drunk will have a solid two-hour heart-to-heart conversation with you to help you pull your life together.
12. The nocturnal drunk
No matter how late it may be, this drunk is more than ready to continue the night and tries to drag you to another party.
13. The lost cause drunk
From the beginning to end of the night, this girl loses her phone, wallet, and keys. You'll help her search every 20 minutes, or else you'll have to deal with her incessant whining the entire time. She also has to pee every five minutes and you MUST go with.
14. The drunk who gives none
This drunk is usually a wild card. She does not give a sh*t about your complaints or problems, she is just there for the alcohol.
15. The "this is my JAM" drunk
Every song is this drunk's "jam." This drunk is good friends with the "I think I can dance" drunk.
16. The drunk on a mission
17. The drunk dialer
AKA the I'm-drinking-to-text-my-ex drunk.
18. The shrieker
This drunk hasn't seen you in "FOREVERRR!!!" and insists on taking a photo with you.
19. The drunk who reevaluates her life
This drunk is very philosophical and asks questions that make you rethink what you thought you knew. "But, like, why is the blue I see different than the one you see, you know? Aren't we all like kind of the same?"
20. The girl who tries to outdrink everyone
And does so with ease.
