I’ve always been one to set goals for myself.
These goals typically come in the form of, “I want to have XYZ done by this date” or something like, “By this date, I want to lose ten pounds," etc.
Now, these goals can be great if they help you stay motivated and focused on achieving a certain and positive goal. However, if the goal is unattainable or just simply unnecessary, they can prove to be extremely problematic.
This particular goal that I’m going to share with you proved to be the latter.
It was my sophomore year of college and I was right in the middle of one of my best health kicks to date. I have always been a pretty healthy and active person, however, I’ve been known to get a little off track when I get a little too busy, a little too unmotivated, and a little too tempted with some of my favorite meals and treats. I was proud of my accomplishments thus far and set a goal for myself for when I came home next: in a little under a month, I wanted to lose ten pounds.
Now, let me start off by saying, I’ve never needed to lose weight, or really, have ever wanted to. I know that I am a healthy weight for my size and have always just wanted to become more toned, energized, and sustain a healthy and nutritious lifestyle and diet.
However, during this time in my life, I wanted to be the best. I was constantly exposed to all different kinds of “healthy” body types, weights, and ideals that convinced me that if I wanted to be anything close to healthy and beautiful, I had to look like them. They were skinnier than I was. Therefore, I had to lose weight if I wanted to be healthy and beautiful. Like them.
As I said before, My diet and exercise lifestyle is nowhere near concrete and perfect. I like to exercise when and how I wish to exercise. If I’m not feeling a workout, either I don’t feel well, or am too busy and stressed out, I likely won’t do one and will spend my time doing something else. And, the main culprit to my not meeting my unnecessary goal, I like to eat what I want to eat. These are all fine ways to live my life by me now, however, when they prevented me from reaching my goal, I was extremely disappointed and upset with myself.
When life got busy, I skipped a few workouts, and I realized that my “goal” wasn’t going to happen, I seriously considered not going home. “I wasn’t ready,” I told myself. I wanted to look perfect for the pictures, I wanted people to comment on how good I looked, I wanted to feel worthy enough to receive their praise, and I felt like I couldn’t possibly be seen as healthy, beautiful, or acceptable in their eyes if I didn’t lose that weight before I came home.
Well, I soon realized my flawed and ridiculous thought process and finally came to the conclusion that when I feel like a disappointment, when I feel discouraged, when I feel lonely, worthless, and ugly—that’s exactly when I need to come home. And of course, my family welcomed me with open and loving arms. They didn’t notice that I hadn’t lost ten pounds and met my ridiculous goal, they didn't even know I had had one, they were simply joyful that I was home and still viewed me as healthy and as beautiful as they had before.
Sadly, I didn’t feel that I was worthy of my family’s love or happiness, but they accepted me anyway with open and loving arms, excited and thankful to have me home. Sometimes, I feel like this is the same way we approach our relationship with Jesus. We unnecessarily and wrongly feel like we need to be worthy of him. That we need to do something to please him and be deserving of his love, mercy, forgiveness, and grace.
And of course, that’s the complete wrong way of thinking. We can’t possibly do anything to be righteous or worthy of all the mercies he shows us and it completely ridiculous for us to think that their is a way. And that’s exactly when we need to come home to him and his ever open arms.
Because we can’t ever prove ourselves worthy or deserving us his grace, we simply just need to fall at his feet and accept his forgiveness anyways. No matter how unworthy, or dirty, or disgusting, or ugly, you feel you are or you feel like your sin is, there is always forgiveness and mercy in his name. We can’t do anything, but he has done it all already for us, we just need to humbly believe and accept his grace and forgiveness.
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us"(Romans 5:8).
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast" (Ephesians 2:8,9).
