“La Ninez” is a time of where one is building one’s identity by their surroundings. The language and the culture play a huge role in one’s childhood. Being born in Puerto Rico, I was exposed to deep family values. I went to Christian schools, lived in a house that my grandfather built, and was involved in bomba classes. I was exposed to cultural aspects of Puerto Rico. I was taught to say “Bendicion” to everyone in the family parties, especially to the elders and was taught to say “Buen Provecho”, every time we all sat down to eat at the table. These little phrases and ways of living stuck with me when I left Puerto Rico at 8 years of age to Hartford, Connecticut. Yet, when drastic changes occur in a child, like a move from one place to another, things occur.
For the past 11 years, I have come to be truly familiar with "Spanglish" since it has become a part of who I am. For a while, I was deeply ashamed of losing bits and pieces of my Spanish. I felt I was "Americanized" both in my thinking and appearance. Americanized in the sense that my thoughts would no longer be in Spanish yet, in English. I felt as if I had no right to be called a "Boricua", because to me being a Boricua at the time, was knowing and being able to relate to the culture and way of living. To me, I lost that exact right 11 years ago when I had moved from Puerto Rico with my family. I had lost my badge of being a "mancha de platano" and my crown of being a daughter of La Isla was taken away.
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In other words, I felt a double consciousness about things. This "double consciousness" as W.E.B. Du Bois stated in Souls of Black Folk, It’s like an unconnected stream of consciousness in one individual. For example, African Americans feeling this dis-balance, on what was considered to be “African” and “American”. The same with me, I felt this double thought on what was considered “American” and “Boricua”. Some days I would notice it when I would not remember common simple Spanish words, hence the reason why I felt like a “gringa”- a white girl. It is not easy, yet I will embrace it. For now, I understand that being a Puerto Rican has nothing to do with a language barrier implied by a change in culture, or in ways of thinking. To me being a Puerto Rican is knowing that I come from a long line of strong people; African, Taino, and Spaniard. It is knowing that me and my brothers & sisters are a bleeding artistry of poise and pride. So I tell you, whether we are from here or from there, we are not less-than, just because we have changed in the process. For I know, at least for myself, come quiera--soy boricua.
