I have a fear similar to Ben Higgins on The Bachelor. He has a fear of being unloveable. I do not have that fear; I know in my heart that everyone is loveable, but I my fear is that I will not find the person who is capable of loving me in the way that I need to be loved. I worry that there is not a person out there who loves to the extent that I do. What if I do not find my match or my other half? What if there is not someone out there who has “my crazy kind of love,” as my friend, McKenzie’s, grandmother used to say. There is probably no one as crazy as me. My whole heart is in it. I give. I need someone’s entire heart; I need someone who gives 100 percent of effort.
There will be a day that I will fall for you…
That will be the day that my heart will be completely yours
That will be the day that I will feel incomplete without you
That will be the day that I will entirely commit myself to you
That will be the day that I will light up from my bushy hair to my rugged heels for you
That will be the day that I will have only eyes for you
That will be the day that you will be the only one to me
That will be the day that I will smile uncontrollably as soon as your step into the room
That will be the day that my thoughts will be only of you
That will be the day that I put in all of my effort
That will be the day that my mission and purpose will only be to show you how deeply I love you
That will be the day that I will become clingy and needy
That will be the day that I will need your reassurance
That will be the day that I will get obsessive and become infatuated
That will be the day that I will care for you more and more each day
That will be the day that I will see you as special and unique
That will be the day that I will show you how crazy I am for you
That will be the day that I will speak my mind based on my feelings
That will be the day that I enjoy arguing with you because it means we both care
That will be the day that I appreciate your differences
That will be the day that I will be myself around you
That will be the day that I love you for you
That will be the day that I genuinely want to spend all of my time with you
That will be the day that I desire to give
That will be the day that I show you how much I care
That will be the day that I tell you how much I care
That will be the day that I long for you to show me off to the world proudly
That will be the day that I feel like family with you
That will be the day that I want you to love me unconditionally
That will be the day that I will love you unconditionally
That will be the day that I want you to fight for me
That will be the day that I want you to stand by me
That will be the day that I expect you to drop everything for me
That will be the day that I would drop everything for you
That will be the day that I would do anything to make you happy
That will be the day that I want to create memories with you
That will be the day that I want to have new shared experiences with you
There will be a day that I will fall for you…
That will be the day that you stop trying
That will be the day that you stop chasing me
That will be the day that you get bored with me
That will be the day that you want more
That will be the day that you are no longer excited to see me
That will be the day that you stop appreciating me
That will be the day that you will feel smothered by me
That will be the day that you lose interest
That will be the day that you stop texting as much
That will be the day that you stop asking me how I am
That will be the day that you give up on the idea of calling me
That will be the day that you stop saying sweet things
That will be the day that you no longer care
That will be the day that you no longer look at me with shining eyes
That will be the day that you no longer see me as beautiful
That will be the day that you start looking at other girls
That will be the day that you wish you were with your ex who showed no emotion
That will be the day that you stop reaching my expectations of a loving boyfriend
That will be the day that you push me away
That will be the day that you hold back
That will be the day that you think twice about me
That will be the day that you change your mind about wanting to be with me
That will be the day that you distance yourself
That will be the day that you say you want space
That will be the day that you keep me a secret
That will be the day that you want to send me back like a return item in a clothing store
That will be the day that you only take
That will be the day that you no longer love me the way I need to be loved
That will be the day that you no longer surprise me
That will be the day that you stop fighting for me
That will be the day that you close yourself off
That will be the day that you no longer do romantic gestures
That will be the day that you no longer have energy for me
That will be the day that my love becomes unrequited
That is why I refuse to fall for you.
I have a fear that this will happen time and time again. I fall in the blink of an eye, and, during that blink, he backs off from me.
I need to say no and close myself off until I am absolutely sure.
Now you know.
I can’t get my heart broken again. And I know it will be me whose heart ends up breaking, just like I know it will end up being me who cares more in the relationship.
