I know I'm not alone in not knowing how lucky I was to have an amazing parent until I moved far away from her.
No matter what your family situation is, whomever raised you had to deal with a lot of your shit. Literally, they had to deal with your shit, changing your diapers, teaching you how to wipe, and washing your bathing suit bottoms when you shit your pants in Lake Huron. Caretakers work, clean, cook, socialize on their own, have real responsibilities to stress about, and still somehow find time to deal with a growing ignorant nugget- and try and acquaint it with the world. There's an exhausting list of things we expect from our parents, and whether or not we get them is besides the point.
As if the gift of life isn't enough, we constantly want more. Here's a short version of the neverending things in which can easily be taken for granted -- but caretakers do them -- and most likely don't get a thank you until way after the fact (if ever).
Throw themed birthday parties.
Who decided that "Mom" also translated to "party planner?" If someone wanted to be a party planner, they'd have that as their occupation. None the less, these are most likely themed parties based off some weird crap your offspring is into at the time. Hawaiian luau parties, spa themed parties, roller skating, movies, bowling, Chuck E Cheese, "Star Wars" -- the list is endless. The cake is themed, the gifts are plentiful, and there has to be some activity because children don't drink alcohol. Not only do they have to plan a party, they have to know which kids to invite --which leads into something else I am in awe of.
Deal with other parents.
Can you imagine having to deal with people strictly off of who your child chose to befriend? How awkward is the conversation? The status difference? What if your child's friend's mom is an alcoholic and you don't want her driving your child's friend home? Not only are our parents nice to these parents (LOL at play date planning) but they also have to deal with their child's friends. Feed them when they come over. Ask them questions. Talk to them.
If my mother had a dollar for every time she had to deal with my friend's parents -- post childhood -- due to drinking alcohol, she'd have enough for a nice you-pick-two meal with a beverage and 99 cent pastry at Panera Bread. Unfortunately, she didn't get paid, so she just got to laugh it off with her problem causing daughter and a bottle of wine instead.
My point? Other parents are crazy. And our parents are super heroes for putting up with the awkward problems that arise when two kids with completely different backgrounds decide to have a sleepover.
Pretend to like your friends, boyfriends or girlfriends.
My mom didn't do this, but I'm sure lots of parents do. Maybe that's why I don't know how to pretend to like someone. Whatever. Props to everyone who knows how- you learned from your parents, guaranteed.
Buy your clothes that you probably don't need or might not wear.
Kids grow. I can't imagine anything more annoying than buying something that you know they will grow out of. For parents with girls- this is even worse. I'm disgusted at how much I expected my mom to buy more than necessities without blinking an eye. Two hundred dollars at Forever 21? Fifty dolloar Jeans from American Eagle? Ridiculous. A new outfit for picture day? The first day of school? Just because? If you're not astounded, then maybe your caretaker bought you video games or musical instruments. Either way, your only duty is to keep your kids alive, and ours always go above and beyond the minimum necessities. Incredible.
Go to your sports games, recitals, school plays.
Their child probably isn't even talented, but they don't know that, because they probably like their kid, But, they have to go and sit through a terrible rendition of some play about the Mayflower. They have to go sober. They have to watch other kids perform. Other kids play. Other kids that they don't care about. Their free time is spent doing this, and if your parent ever did this for you -- they deserve a huge thank you. Not all parents do, and this kind of support is an incredible gift.
Drive you everywhere.
Being a parent means being a personal chauffeur, which is ludicrous. If I signed up to drive some nugget around all day, I'd be a babysitter getting paid under the table. And we wouldn't be listening to their music preference.
Raise you to be a good citizen.
When a parent's kid f**ks up, they have to pick up the pieces. Some feel like failures if they raise a child who turns out to be less than what they expected. My cat is a dope cat, but I have nothing to do with that. To have to take responsibility for another person's actions, and deal with the repercussions of those actions- is noble, at the very least.
Love you.
Just because you came out of her vagina (or stomach- snaps for Old Sue's scheduled c-section!!), should not mean that you have to love your child. Or even like them. Like, maybe they're really annoying, or bratty. Parents love us when we throw temper tantrums in public and slam doors yelling "I hate you" at age 12. That's a pretty amazing kind of love. Kind of like mine for my cat, when he wakes me up by pawing me in the face. Except your kid might punch you in the face. Without an apology, your caretaker gives you unconditional positive regard, and loves you anyway. That's amazing.
Teach you.
Most parents aren't teachers, and even if they are- why do they have to work after hours? From girls getting periods to manners to academic success to how to do laundry- our parents constantly teach us. Helping with homework? Trying to explain geometry when you barely passed Algebra II back in your day? Just because you're a parent doesn't mean you should have to deal with the, "Are we there, yet?" or "Why's the sky blue?" questions. But caretakers do deal with them, and (most of the time) answer them. Round of applause to them putting up with constant curious nuggets, even when they've already answered the same question multiple times.
Accept who you turn out to be.
You know when you write a novel and expect it to be a bestseller but after eighteen years of hard work you leave it alone and it gets deleted, edited, or burned? After two decades of investing in their offspring, parents may or may not be pleased with the results. Their children might reject everything they were learned, putting all the parent's hard work to waste. If you're lucky, you have a parent that allows you to choose who to be. Parents create and train something only to set it free into the wild.
Every family is dysfunctional in their own way. What was a nightmare of a childhood can become an anecdote for parties (can confirm- tragedy + time = comedy). I am amazingly lucky to have realized how blessed I am to have a Mom (shout out to Old Sue) that did all of the above and far beyond, with a brilliant sense of humor along the way.
If you haven't realized how lucky you are to have had your caretakers yet, marinate in all the things done for you that were not mandatory or necessary. Then call up those people, and thank them. You were loved when you (sometimes) acted completely undeserving. You learned how to love, love, love. You were given the gift of life, and the gift that makes life worth living.
