I spend all the big holidays with my dad’s side of my family, partly because they make amazing food and partly because we live around the block from each other (literally). It’s pretty much been that way since I was born and even though our lives are not the same as 20 years ago, we still manage to make it together for the holidays. And let’s just say that time spent together is always special but interesting. Interesting in the best way possible, though. I don’t know how many of you lucky readers will actually get to spend the holidays with my family and I, so let me virtually bring you along to a typical Thanksgiving with the Lijoi’s.

Four p.m. That’s basically the invisible dinner bell that tells everybody to make their way to my aunt’s house even though the food won’t be ready for another hour. I might live not even two minutes away, but we’re going to drive there because balancing food in one hand and games in the other is not as easy as it looks. Step inside and see the magic for yourself. Don’t be surprised if you’re attacked by little children at the knee, just hug them and they will release you. Make the rounds around the house and say hi to everybody. Trust me, they might not remember your name at first or assign you a different one for laughs, but they are legitimately ecstatic to welcome you. Now you’re ready to play with the little kids until they fall to the ground with exhaustion or, you know, dinner.

Five p.m. Grab a seat at the table, but choose wisely! There’s one chair that’s broken and if you get that one I can’t promise to help you. Once seated it’s time to play a game called “pass the plates around the table and no matter how simple that concept is the mashed potatoes will not make it to you unless you ask for them.” It’s a title in progress, but it’s accurate. My family doesn’t bite though, so asking isn’t the end of the world. Once your plate is overflowing with food, feel free to eat as much as you want. There’s 50 pounds of stuffing, green bean casserole, and sweet potatoes along with a gigantic turkey and you’re only going to eat one plate of food? Unacceptable.

Six to eight p.m. These next two hours are reserved for football and football only. If the Giants are playing, mentally prepare yourself for various forms of screaming at not only the TV but also at people walking in front of the TV. Even if you try to escape to another room you’ll know exactly what’s going on by the various reactions. If the Giants aren’t playing (like this year) don’t expect any less excitement. They’ll still be plenty of eyes glued to the game as well as yelling if there’s a touchdown or interception. I advise you to carefully pick a spot on the floor and commit to it. If you don’t, you’ll be either in the middle of children or next to the person who flails their arms after every play.

Eight to eleven p.m. If you’ve made it through the first three phases of Thanksgiving, then you’ve officially reached the best part. First, choose between one of at least five different pies and try to squeeze that into your already crammed stomach. Then it’s game time, where if you thought anything unpredictable could happen before, the odds are now doubled. We might play "Eat Poop You Cat" where you’re required to test your drawing and comprehending skills or maybe a game of "Dixit" where you’ll have to make up stories about ridiculous pictures. If we’re feeling traditional party games we might throw you on a team and make you participate in Reverse Charades or the classic Catch Phrase. The game portion is really unpredictable so you’ll just have to go along with it. But I can assure you you’ll be laughing uncontrollably at ridiculous outcomes.

Congrats! You managed to make it through the day without hopefully wanting to find the nearest escape. I know we are a super unpredictable bunch with loads of personality but that’s the best part. And even if you didn’t have a good time, this is my family and they sure as hell aren’t going to change, so take it or leave it. Thanks for “spending” a typical Thanksgiving with the Lijoi’s. If you stick around tomorrow, we’ll be putting up the Christmas tree.