Thanksgiving was really weird this year. It was just me and my parents, no extended family, and we were actually short one because my sister decided to go on a trip with her friend Thanksgiving weekend. Because of this, it was incredibly quiet. Despite the fact that Alabama is embroiled in a debate about whether or not we should really let a likely child molester be a Senator, there was no arguing, quarreling, or disagreement. We watched Christmas movies, ordered our one Christmas gift each, and played Monopoly until dinner was ready. We ate, watched more TV, and then one by one went to bed for the night.

It was a downright peaceful holiday, and it unsettled me. I tend to dislike Thanksgiving anyway. Rather than celebrated as a time for thankfulness through action according to whatever code of ethics and generosity one believes in, most of America celebrates as a collective "yay me" tinged with unhealthy nationalism. Meanwhile, we neglect the fact that many of the things we are thankful for, nationalism or otherwise, have been at the expense of entire classes of people. Call me a cynic, but Thanksgiving has always come off as a bit of a farce to me. Don't get me wrong, I love that it's an excuse to allow us to become closer to our family and let all of our loved ones be together when they otherwise couldn't, but it just seems a little mismatched with how we choose to celebrate with those loved ones.

As to why the tranquility of this year set me off a bit, it comes down to that it all just felt empty. There was no warmth, no energy, no sense of true thankfulness. We were all kind of just there. In all honesty, it was very much that we were thankful for just being there. The year has been stressful for all, catastrophic for many, and the prospects going forward don't look much better. And yet, true thanksgiving shouldn't feel like a bragging contest. It shouldn't be giving thanks for being blessed beyond what others have. It shouldn't be feeling blessed for how great you have it. Thanksgiving is feeling blessed for having at all, blessed for being at all.

I felt so unsettled this Thanksgiving because I truly felt thankful not for what I had or what I was but for having and wanting to begin with. What I felt were humility and vulnerability, and I would much rather have that than the smug sense of satisfaction I used to get from thanking God that I live comfortably, because God forbid anyone live uncomfortably.