To the guy who thought that he could destroy me -

You were mistaken.

All the years of abuse you put me through and all the years that I allowed it to happen. You thought you could take my life away from me, which you succeed for almost six years, until I finally came to the realization that I deserved more than you could have ever offered me. For starters, I want to say thank you. Thank you for all the mental, physical, and emotional damage you caused me. Sounds weird, right? Thanking the one person that destroyed you as a whole, but without you, I wouldn't be where I am today. I would still be stuck in the viscous cycle that I once called 'love'.

Lets be real though, you never loved me. You loved the idea of bringing someone down to your level. You loved having the manipulation over a person who would have given you the world if given the chance. You loved having control over someone's every move. You loved being able to put someone down in a state that no one would want to experience. Love is not any of those things. Love isn't sitting up at every hour of the night and day because you wouldn't let me know you're okay after ignoring multiple worried phone calls because you were out getting high with your 'friends'. Love isn't making someone question their own self-worth because you were unaware of your own. Most of all, love isn't violent or jealous.

You put me through hell and back and you never once took a second to realize that what you were doing was inhumane and cruel. You never cared how much you put me through and how hard it was for me to even want to be alive. All you cared about was the fact that you had complete control over my every doing and that I stuck around to only endure more pain from you.

The things you said and made me experience are things I would never wish on my worst enemy. I never thought I would see the day that I would question my safety around someone that I once called my everything. I cannot count on my hands the number of times you told me, "I'm sorry, I promise it won't happen again." Because it did happen again. Over and over.

It all started with emotional abuse. The name calling came first. Calling me every single name in the book and thinking it was allowed because after all, I did allow it. I thought maybe you were high and didn't mean it or maybe you were having a bad day or maybe I even deserved it, but I was manipulated into your viscous cycle thinking that I was the bad guy. Telling me that I was a terrible person because I wanted to hangout with my friends or family. Eventually you stripped all of that from me. My world had to be you and ONLY you. I fell for it. Thinking that you wanted to spend time with me because you 'loved' me, boy was I wrong.

You wanted that sense of control over me and that was the only reason. You were unhappy with your life and you wanted everyone around you to suffer. You would always put something through my head and I would lie awake thinking about those things wondering what I did to be told that. I'll never forget the time you told me that you didn't love me, you only were using me for the things you didn't have access too. But I stayed, thinking things would change only for them to get worse.

The physical abuse came shortly after the mental abuse. It all started with a simple push. They always say, once you allow someone to lay their hands on you that you've given them permission to do it again and they will do it again. Well, those people were right. You've pushed me down to the point where I hit the ground. You've drug me by hair and thrown me up against walls and onto the ground. You've grabbed me so hard that I had handprints on my arms and bruises that I didn't even know how to explain to outsiders who always asked, "Who did this to you? This doesn't look like an accident," They were right. It wasn't an accident, but I was so scared to tell people because I didn't want things to get any worse than they already were. But again, I was so wrong. Things got way worse.

You began to push me up against walls and choke me to the point that I couldn't even breathe or had bruises on my neck from the aftermath, you slapped me, you threw any objects that were close to you at me regardless of how big or how small it was. There even came a point that because I was crying over the way you were treating me, that you grabbed me by my hair and bashed my head into a wall leaving me unconscious. When I woke up, I woke up to you screaming at me and calling me names telling me that "I deserved every bit of it." Thankfully my parents were around and knew what was going on and you didn't have the chance to continue your relentless actions towards me. Then the time for your unsympathetic apology, that I once again fell for.

Thinking maybe he does feel sorry, maybe he will change, maybe he won't do it again, or maybe he finally sees that what he's doing is wrong. No. "Once he hits you, he'll do it again." I went through multiple days of feeling worthless because of you. There were days that I even struggled to get up in the morning because I knew what was ahead and what I would experience because after a few years, it became a routine for you and a reoccurring issue. One day you locked me in a tiny closet in my apartment, that I let you stay in with me, and your words directly were, "You're not coming out until you learn how to talk to me properly." You all are thinking that I'm probably crazy, but I was just a girl who didn't know a way out and always got pulled back in when I almost found a way.

But a person can only endure so much pain until they can't take it anymore. I'll never forget the day that I finally realized my self-worth. It was a hot summer day and no one was around. We hadn't been getting along well (what's new) and you were withdrawing from whichever drug you had decided to be on that day. You demanded that I take you to your friend's house to get high and I refused. Drugs were the reason to why I 'lost' you in the first place. I'm not a perfect person and I may have not helped you the properly way all the time, but I couldn't change you. You didn't even want to change yourself and didn't see the wrong in your actions. I had finally had enough and today wasn't the day that I gave into you like I normally would.

I told you no. For the first time in years, you didn't get what you wanted and that pissed you off more than anyone could imagine. You forcefully stole my wallet, my keys, my phone, everything I had, you took from me. Threatening to steal my car and use my money to get what you wanted. I couldn't call anyone to help me and I felt so hopeless and scared. You were screaming in my ear and pushing me around and calling me multiple inappropriate names. I don't know how it happened, maybe you realized you were being crazy, but you sat all my stuff down and walked away somewhere. I took that opportunity and lead way and left and I never went back.

No matter how many times you apologized, said it wouldn't happen again, or how you knew what you did was wrong. I was so sick of hearing all of that. It meant absolutely nothing to you and it finally meant nothing to me either.

I finally left, after six years of pain, I could finally say I had enough. I made the choice that I should have made five years ago when it all started. But I don't hate you, even though I should. I wish you happiness in life, even when you took mine away for a long time period.

You made me a stronger person. I now know what love should be and what love shouldn't be because of you. I've helped a lot of girls get out of situations similar to ours and I plan to continue doing that as the years in life go by because no one, I repeat, NO ONE deserves to feel the way that you made me feel. No one deserves to be scared for their life or put through emotional and physical abuse no matter what the circumstances are. We all have a purpose in life that God has intended for us, and dealing with someone that doesn't see how beautiful we are and tries to help us grow throughout life, is not what was intended.

After leaving I struggled. I didn't think I'd ever find happiness again because I had depended on someone for so long to supply that to me, but I can actually say that I'm truly the happiest that I have ever been. I deal with depression and anxiety on a daily basis because of my past, but I've accepted it and I've grown as a person and I couldn't be more proud of myself for all the changes that I've made in order to achieve happiness again. Only you can control your happiness, no one else can do that for you

So, to the boy that tried to break me, just know you only made me stronger. To all my family (especially my parents and grandmother) and friends that have helped me through this and personally know my story, thank you. Thank you for never giving up on me and seeing the beauty that I hold in this world, because after all, we all need people that help us see that we are worth more than words can account for. To all the women that have struggled with an abusive relationship and are still struggling, I will pray fro you. Without prayer and God, I wouldn't have been strong enough to finally leave the past behind me, for good.

Never looking back,

The girl you made wiser and stronger.