People always say a first love will stick with you forever whether you end up with that person or not. They made you feel like you could do anything in the world, they put you on a pedestal, and worshiped the ground you walked on. And mine did all of this and more. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. He got me flowers, chocolates, random gifts, surprise dates, and loved me unconditionally.
We knew each other since elementary school because we were neighbors. We rode the bus together and I had only known of you, and seen you on the bus. We didn't develop a relationship until I got into middle school. You were 2 years older than me and I thought it was real cool to have an older friend. We never really started anything until the summer before I got to high school.
We had dated for 2 years while I was still in high school and I thought I had found the one. We understood each other, could communicate with just one look, and he was my best friend. We had been through a hell of a lot of stuff together and that only made us stronger.
We did everything together. You came to my softball games, I went to your volleyball games. We went on vacation together, we celebrated holidays together, we celebrated birthdays. We bought each other gifts and it took us 5 months to fall in love.
We dated for 2 years, broke up before my senior year of high school and tried to go our separate ways. I went spiraling down into darkness and you found light in over a handful of other girls. You eventually found someone who changed your ways, and settled with her for over a year- but somehow always finding your way back to me.
I got to college and was lonely and realized I missed you. You missed me too and we decided to try to make things work again. I was so excited because I was ready to feel loved again, I was ready to feel on top of the world again. I was ready to be loved unconditionally again. I was ready for us again.
So we started back up right where we left off and it was going great. We were going on dates again, catching up, and you visited me at school a lot.
But now, there are two memories from our relationship over the last 8 years that I will never forget.
I'll never forget the night you told me you loved me for the first time- we were watching the Jungle Book and you were singing every word. You looked at me and you said, "Shel, I love you". I didn't say it back right away because I was afraid. I said it maybe a couple weeks later and I've never seen you happier.
But then again I will never forget the day I found out you were cheating on me. Not only with 1 girl, but with 2. Yes, maybe I shouldn't have gone through your phone, but I'm glad I did because I saw the messages. You were calling her baby and telling her she was pretty- you used to say that to me.
Do you know how that made me feel? Not like I was on top of the world. Not like I was everything to you like you claimed I was. You made me feel like crap, like I wasn't worthy enough.
This is my letter to you to thank you for letting me try again with you and never have to wonder ever again "what if". Thank you for making me realize I should have higher standards and I need to love myself more. Thank you for breaking my heart more than once and making me stronger. Thank you for being a complete ass and making me realize I deserve a hell of a lot more.
But more importantly, thank you to my huge support system of friends and family. You guys tried to warn me and weren't afraid to tell me "I told you so" after I told you everything.
So this is goodbye. Goodbye to my first love, my best friend, and a jackass all in one.
Wholeheartedly,
'Your (no-longer) bug'
