I’ve had my fair share of relationships. I’ve always feared being alone so I always kept a boyfriend around to make myself feel better. I would date someone I didn’t like just to feel desired or not to feel lonely. It took me many years to figure out that wasn’t the way relationships should be. I’ve learned now that having someone doesn’t mean you have love or a healthy relationship. Since I would be with anyone who expressed interest in me, I had quite a few toxic relationships. While the relationships broke me down, they also taught me lessons that I could use in my current relationship. Here is a thank you to the losers and cheaters that taught me what not to look for in a relationship.

I would like to thank the first guy that I ever loved. I was far too young to even know what love was, but I experienced it with you. You were a dream come true at the beginning. You made me happy constantly. However, the longer we were together, the more comfortable you got with pushing me around and controlling me. Since you were a few years older than me, you easily manipulated me into staying with you after countless arguments and near brawls. You caused me emotional and physical pain. It’s been years since I’ve been with you, yet I still suffer from the situations you dragged me through. It even took me years to get over you. You sometimes cross my mind and I can recall the few good times we had, but the bad definitely outweighed the good.

Although you put me through some of the worst times of my life, the year I spent with you taught me some things. I didn’t realize you taught me anything until a few years ago when my boyfriend opened my eyes to what a good man actually is. You taught me that I am a strong woman that will never back down to a man’s insecure acts of violence. You taught me that no one is obligated to stay in a toxic relationship. You taught me that it’s not okay to use fear to control people. You also taught me that when faced with tough situations, tough people persevere. I was quite young when I dated you. I blame you partly for my growing up too fast, but I thank you dearly for showing me what no woman should ever desire in a man.

I would like to thank the guy who I had strong feelings for, yet he led me on. I could have loved you more than you’ll ever deserve. We were friends for a few years and in those years we hung out every weekend. We would share our secrets and cry to each other about our exes. I fell for you in the process. You told me you fell for me too. You promised me that we would be together once you were over your ex. A year or so passed and yet you still weren’t ready, yet you came to me when you were lonely or needed love. You used me for affection and attention with no intention on ever being mine. You eventually found a girl you were willing to be with. I was destroyed then, but I’m thankful I dodged that bullet.

You taught me that I am good enough. You didn’t see that I was good enough. Even your friends asked you why you didn’t see what was in front of you. You taught me that I shouldn’t chase after something that doesn’t have a possible good outcome. By that, I mean you had no goals for yourself. You’re doing nothing with your life now. I’m doing everything in mine. I wouldn’t have had time to entertain someone who had no goals while I was reaching mine. You taught me that I can make it on my own. I thought I needed you. I was desperate to make you mine. When you walked out of my life for good, I cried for a while. But you know, I smiled shortly after when I realized you weren’t what I needed at all.

I would like to thank the guy I dated for a month. You were my best friend’s boyfriend’s friend. We were set up by our friends. I didn’t know you very well. I’m glad I didn’t have that “pleasure.” You were like most guys. That type of guy that never liked me. I was so flattered that someone like you would actually be interested in me. We hung out a few times then you had to go out of state with your family. While you were gone, you met a new girl. You didn’t talk to me for weeks. Finally, I begged you to tell me if we were done and you informed me that you didn’t want to pursue our relationship. You also informed my friend about the new girl you met. We eventually made amends and talked again a few times. You swore you would take it all back if you could. I’m glad I didn’t fall for your suave again.

You taught me that being cheated on sucked. It destroys your self-esteem and makes you wonder why you weren’t good enough. However, you also taught me that I was in control of my self-esteem, not some pretty boy that couldn’t be loyal. You taught me that good things take time. We knew each other for a week before we threw ourselves into a relationship. I knew my current boyfriend for three years before I even knew I had feelings for him. Relationships are like fine wine apparently.

I’m not fond of any of these people anymore. They ruined many things for me, but I overcame that. I grew while they stayed stagnant. Although they all sort of suck as humans, they were pretty good teachers. They taught me many lessons that I now apply to my forever relationship. We will grow together and our relationship will prosper due to all of the toxicity I was put through. So thank you. You actually did one good thing in your life.