We are always told to be careful who we surround ourselves with because they influence our emotions and the ways we view ourself.
I made the mistake of allowing someone into my life who brought me down- my self-esteem, my independence, and everything that I prided myself on. It took me a while to say, "no more. I've had enough," and for him to say, "I hope to see you a year from now when you're fat and unsuccessful."
How cruel is that? I hope for your sake, readers, that you never find someone who has no qualms with trying to bring other people down.
This statement did not break my stride at all. I was able to focus on who I wanted to be, and I didn't have someone breathing down my neck and trying to change me into someone they wanted me to become.
You never know what someone is facing. I had friends tell me how horrible this guy was, and while I could see it myself, I was weak. It takes strength, endurance, and a reliance on your faith to be strong. I pray for this guy because I hope he realizes that people are not objects. It is not our duty in this world to try to shape someone into the vision we have. People are each on their own journey, and each must shape it alone.
When I see two people in a relationship, I hate to hear someone say that they will "fix that when we're married." Or something of the like. Because I am of the belief that, if you truly love someone, you accept them for their flaws and love them for them. There's always room to compromise if something bothers you, but if you find yourself in a place, as I did, with someone who is unwilling to budge to maintain the happiness of their partner, the answer is always to get out.
It's been said (by RuPaul, mainly) that you can't possibly love someone else until you love yourself, and this is so true. My advice to girls and boys out there who are struggling with dependency in a relationship is this:
1. Find out who you are first. Don't put yourself in a relationship (or friendship) with someone until you know you can maintain the integrity of your personality.
2. Being alone is OK. It could be months or years, but don't compromise your happiness just because you feel like you need someone by your side.
3. Never let someone put you down.When you do something small, and you get torn apart for it-- this isn't right. You shouldn't have to apologize for being yourself. And you shouldn't have to become a lesser version of yourself because someone said you should.
I'm over the times that my heart hurt because I felt alone even when I wasn't.
I'm over nights feeling like I wasn't good enough and would never find someone who would lift me up instead of bringing me down.
And I'm sorry to the guy who told me I would never be good enough- I think I've failed you. I'm proud of my successes and proud of the person I am aiming to become every day. So...I'm sorry I didn't stay in one place and fail, as you would have liked.
But now I know what not to look for. I know how to warn others about people such as yourself so they won't feel insignificant-- whether they choose to listen or not. I know how to never place myself in proximity of someone like you ever again.
Here I am. I am who I choose to be and unapologetic for it-- and that is the answer to achieving my success. That will never change.