As I sit here drawing the number two years on your white board for your pictures tomorrow, I realize I don’t really know how to feel. Tomorrow you will be turning two years old, which is a happy event, but I can’t help but feel emotional. Of course I am happy and overjoyed everyday and every year that you bless me with your smile and your infectious laugh. What I wasn’t ready for, was for you to grow up. I know that sounds cliché, and I’m sure every mother probably says this, but when you find out you are pregnant you expect to have a baby. You expect to be up every two hours in the night with a newborn. You don’t usually anticipate to have a toddler or a teenager. At least for me I did not give much thought to you growing up. Sometimes when I see you changing and becoming your own person it comes as a shock to me. Even with all of these emotions and thoughts the word that comes to my mind most is thanks.
First off, I am thankful for your existence. There are not enough thanks in this world for me to say how grateful I am that God gave you to me. You are the greatest and most challenging gift I have ever received. I remember when we first brought you home from the hospital I would wake up in the morning so excited to hold you and just look at you. After spending nine months dreaming and wondering what it would be like to hold you, being able to actually look into your bassinet and see you was breathtaking. I thought maybe as you got older that feeling and excitement to see you when you woke up would go away, but two years later and you still make me feel that way.
I’m thankful for the way that God uses you in my life and those around you. Even though you are only a baby and can barely talk, God has already used you in such amazing ways. The way that your existence has brought joy, peace, and love to many peoples lives blows my mind. The fact that someone going through extreme pain or loss can hold you and feel peace and joy, just shows how special you are. In my life you will never fully be able to understand how much you teach me. God has used you to show me strength and how to love.
I’m thankful for your strength. When you were in the womb I would constantly pray that you would be strong. We named you Ezekiel which means God strengthens. I wanted you to be physically strong but most of all emotionally and spiritually strong. I wanted you to be able to handle anything that came your way. You are exactly that. You are so tough emotionally and physically. I remember when you had your first shot I was so afraid you would cry or be scared. I thought I would not be able to handle seeing you in pain. When it came time for it you barely flinched. I know that is just who you are but I thank God for creating you to be that way because other wise I probably would fall apart too.
I am thankful for your personality. I love your personality, mostly because it is nothing like mine. To be honest before you were born I was really afraid that you would have my personality. I know that is awful to say but I am too shy, quiet, and passive. In a loud, fast pace moving world those are the worst traits to have. You are loud, outgoing, friendly and you always say what you want. What I love most about you is your sweet nature. When I would pray that you would be strong I would also pray that you would be sweet like your dad. You are absolutely sweet. You are so kind hearted always comforting anyone who is upset. Even doing whatever silly thing you can think of to make people laugh so they won’t be sad just like your dad.
I could go on and on about the one million reason why I’m thankful for you and why I love you, but there won’t be enough paper. You bring so much joy and sunshine to my life. You really are my little ray of sunshine that brings life to each day. I hope you have an amazing second birthday and as always I love you so much.
Love Mama
