Dear Anxiety,
I remember all of the times that you stopped me from doing things because you told me that I couldn't, or that I wouldn't be good enough, or that I would seem weird, or to think of all the things that could go wrong if I did try to do them. If I tried to talk to the kid who sits next to me in class. If I tried to smile at a stranger that I saw at the store. If I tried to go work out at the gym. if I tried to dress in anything other than a hoodie and sweats.
I remember when you started getting worse and you almost caused me to drop out of school within my first semester of being on campus. Or when you convinced me that hiding away in my room was the most optimal way of dealing with everything. Whenever you came around in my life, I never appreciated it. I could never overcome you, and I always ended up caving into what you were saying.
But that's not the case anymore.
It took a while, but I've finally learned how to overcome you. I'm still in school, and not only am I just in school- I'm thriving while being here. I've started talking at people when I meet them around campus, even if I know I might never talk to them. I've made some great friends. I've kept my grades up. I've gotten involved in undergraduate research despite being worried I wouldn't be smart enough. I've started writing for a platform that can allow my voice to be heard, when before I'd do anything to keep my opinion to myself.
That's not all though; my personal growth around the school has spread to other parts of my life. I've grown less self-conscious. Whereas you used to tell me to never sing out loud even when my favorite song came on the radio, now I don't care where I am, I start singing and dancing to it without a care in the world. I dress how I want to. I traveled out of town for the weekend, all by myself; I made the arrangements from how to get to point A to point B and didn't panic once, and I instead talked to strangers all along the way. You used to make me freak out about having to just go to Publix alone or order food by myself, so I never thought I'd see the day where I could do that.
It's amazing being able to look at myself and see how much I've grown away from you. I didn't even see myself changing, but I guess it just happened gradually as days passed by. There's no way to describe the sense of self-satisfaction that it grants me to realize this. So, even though you were trying to make my life more difficult, and hindering me big time there for a bit, thank you for coming around. Thank you for giving me a hard time. Thank you for making me feel like there was so much that I couldn't do because now that I've learned to overcome you, I realize how strong and capable I actually am. I can do anything. The sky is the limit, and there's nothing that can stop me from reaching it.
I could've never found that out if it wasn't for you.
Sincerely,
The girl I am now
