I wanted to write this article without sounding too cliché. I don't want this to sound like the typical, "My boyfriend is my best friend," 5,000 word love note that you see floating around Facebook. Those are great, don't get me wrong. But I intend this to be a different kind of note. I don't want to sound overdramatic by saying things like: "I don't know who I was without him" or "He saved my life." But to be quite honest, in some ways he did. He came into my life at a time that I needed him the most, although I wasn't really aware of it at the time. It's true that in some ways he saved my life, but what's more important—what I appreciate the most—is that he held my hand and stood by me as I saved myself.

I went through a pretty rough period during my first two years of high school. I was in a toxic relationship that left me feeling lonely, insecure and depressed by the time it finally ended for good. I remember walking through the halls with my head down and feeling completely disconnected from everyone around me—even my best friends. I found myself constantly wondering what I had done wrong and why I wasn't good enough. Despite the fact I had a great relationship with my mom and my family as a whole, as well as a bunch of friends at school, when I reflect back on those times I can honestly say that I have never felt more alone or lost in my entire life. A 15-year-old girl being so upset over a high school relationship sounds extremely superficial, and I am sure many people will roll their eyes as they read through this paragraph. But the pain from this relationship was very real to me at the time, and I can still remember exactly how I felt even after all this time has passed.

I have always been the "suffer in silence" type of person. I have never been the kind of girl that leans on someone for support, and I have always had a difficult time expressing my feelings. I like to blame this on the fact that I am a Virgo—it's just in our nature to be this way. So as he and I started dating, I was hesitant to tell him about the experiences I had from my previous relationship, and why I was sometimes distant and a little closed off. Sure, the relationship had ended long before I had even met him, but I had unknowingly built a wall up so high to protect myself from having to endure the pain that still haunted me from time to time.

I remember the day I told him. As I went through the cringe-worthy details and told endless stories that I had fought for so long to erase from my memory, I anticipated the look of pity to overwhelm his face. This was a look I so desperately wanted to avoid. I did not want pity—I never wanted pity. As I finished going through the countless narratives, I was surprised and relieved to see not even a hint of pity flash across his face. He did not look at me as a broken girl who needed to be put back together, and he didn't try to fix me. Instead, he sat next to me and patiently waited as I put the pieces back together myself.

During this time, I truly had a screwed up perception of what love and a relationship were supposed to be. I thought jealousy and being held back from certain things by your significant other was normal. This mindset carried over into the beginning of our relationship, and I couldn't help but let it consume my thoughts because that was all I had known. Despite all of this, he knew that this was something I had to work through on my own. He never made it his mission to "fix me" and never tried to forcefully break down my wall before I was ready. Rather, he let me dismantle my wall with my own hands—brick by brick—as time passed so that I could eventually let him completely in—in my own time and on my own terms. After spending so many years feeling out of control of my own self and letting my emotions be dependent on someone else, I needed to feel in charge of my own happiness. I needed to know that I could take care of my own well-being and that being in a relationship was just an added bonus—not a necessity. I don't give full credit to him for giving me that happiness (although he did play a huge role in that), I give credit to him for letting me find it on my own which ultimately led to me gaining back the control of myself that I felt I had lost. By doing this, he made me feel like the strong, independent person that the women in my family had always taught me to be. And after five years, the relationship we built as being best friends first and always pushing each other to reach our fullest potential has a solid foundation that I will always be immensely grateful for.