To my ex,

Don't worry- I am not here to bring up age-old arguments and hack open wounds that are long healed. I am not here to talk about all of the ways that you wronged me, or I wronged you, or ways we could have been better.

Instead, I am here to thank you. I want to thank you, because you taught me everything a relationship could be. You taught me a lot of what I do and do not want. You reduced me and controlled me. You told me if I could diet, cut my hair, get a tattoo, or hang out with my best friend. You taught me that when all else failed, I could use my body. You told me I couldn't wear certain outfits, and you told me how to treat the body that was mine, not yours, to control. You taught me, without knowing it, all of the things I didn't want a relationship to be.

You taught me all of this, and you broke my heart. You shattered me and broke me to my core. You had made yourself my world and then pulled away so suddenly that I did not know what to do. It took me months to move on and be okay again. And years later, your presence makes me cringe. I still flinch when I hear your voice, or see you on social media. I still smile at your family but escape in the other direction when you walk into the room.

See, in the end, I got a tattoo. I cut off all of my hair and started trying to be healthier and lose weight. I went through my rebellious phase and I gained my independence and I learned how to function without you. Yes, you came knocking late at night, when you were desperate, but I learned to close the door. I learned that I was more than a text at 2am reducing me to my body and my sex appeal. I learned how to love myself again because you took that away from me. I learned that I was the only validation I needed- I did not need a man to validate me.

And when a man came along who wanted to catch me, and he recognized my independence. One night when I couldn't sleep, he heard all about what made me who I am. He heard about you, and the one before you, and the one before him. He learned of all the events that made me who I was when I fell into his arms and he wiped away those tears.

You see, you were my past. And I carry you into my future, because without you, I would not be me. Without you, and all the ways you wronged me, I would not be able to love someone else. I would not be able to take him with a grain of salt and handle arguments. I would not know how to use my voice to tell him no, rather than sinking back to listen.

You may not have been the best part of my life, in the end. But you gave me so much more than you'll ever know, and I hope I helped you in the end, too. I hope you find the right girl, and understand what I understand now.

Thank you.

Your ex.