This is not a letter intended to be sarcastic or witty (although I cannot help it if it still is at some points - I’m just witty). I’m not writing this letter to say ‘thank you Loss for stealing my family’ or ‘thanks for taking everyone too early,’ because honestly I’d really rather be saying ‘f*** you.' But tonight I realized I had something different to say to loss entirely. Before I begin, I’d like to say I am writing to "Loss" as a noun, like a living person.

So here it goes:

To Loss,

Thank you. Not for taking and taking and taking everything we all have and love and making us feel weak, but for making us remember that we are strong.

Tonight I attended a funeral where hundreds of people showed up to mourn the loss of an eight and a half year old boy. We all lost him less than a week ago, and when I got the news I was a walking zombie for two days. I felt grey, like the world was nothing but sorrow. I had happy moments here and there, but after two days of endless crying and constant hugs, I woke up and felt lighter. I didn’t know then that I was feeling energy - a new strength I never knew I had before.

Because of you, Loss, I am missing grandparents and family, as well as friends. I don’t get to have tea with my Nana anymore, I never fully got to experience having a grandfather (and when I finally got close, you took him away), and I never truly got to say goodbye to friends whose lives were cut too short. And, yet, I thrive.

I sit here now thinking that the fact of the matter is that I need you, Loss. I need you in a strange and morbid way. I need the reminders, the fights, and the tears. I could really go without the actual losing of people or loved ones, but to be surrounded by people of all ages today who were willing to give their love and energy to one family reminded me that I need you. WE need you. As ‘Wait for It’ in the musicalHamilton says “Death does not discriminate between the sinners and the saints.” This is entirely too true, but with it death brings loss, and loss brings recovery and strength.

I will forever hate you. I will forever stand against you. I will curse your name and everything you stand for. But eventually I will thank you. And though not all of us get to bask in the light after the dark, I think sometimes we need a little breath to regain our composure. This is mine.

So, Thank You Loss.

Respectfully Yours,