A thank you letter to the boy who destroyed me:

I know you will probably never read this, but I just want to say thank you. First off, thank you for the memories. Thank you for making me laugh when I was sad, and for holding my hand in public. Thank you for opening doors for me, and for kissing me goodnight every time I left your house. Thank you for the late night conversations about random things, and for always texting me first. There are a million cute things I could say thank you for, and I am thankful for all of them, but mostly, I want to thank you for the bad times. Thank you for making me feel like I was nothing. Thank you for making me cry myself to sleep. Thank you for all those nights that I was so upset I couldn’t even go to sleep to make the hurt stop. Thank you for all of those awful things, because I am now reminded of just how much more I deserve.

You walked away from me for reasons I will never understand, and at first, I was angry. But eventually, waking up every day angry and sad got old, and I was really tired of giving you every last ounce of my energy and emotion when you didn’t deserve it to start with. The drinking and smoking masked the pain for a little bit, but they soon got old as well, which brings me to the most important thing I have to say thank you for. Thank you for being the reason I hit rock bottom. I had never felt more scared and alone, but when I realized that there was nothing left for me to hide the pain with, I was forced to feel. Everything. All of the pain that you had caused that I had made my life’s mission to mask, I was forced to face it head on, and I was forced to pray.

Turning to God was the last thing on my list of coping mechanisms, and I have quickly learned that he should always be the first thing on the list. By hurting me, you helped me turn to the only help that will truly fix and pain. You helped me get the ultimate, and permanent cure to a broken self, and that is God’s love. Every day I get stronger, and the pain gets a little more bearable. You shattering me brought me back to life in all of the best ways, and instead of hating you, or crying over you, I pray for you. I pray that you are happy, wherever you are now.

I pray that you find someone who loves God and puts him before you, and I pray that you love her so much that you are willing to love him too. I pray that you fall head over heals in love with Jesus, and that someday you can look back on us and realize that all I ever did was love you. I still love you, and I don’t know when that will stop, but I know that I deserve a lot more than the hurt you caused, so thank you. Thank you for hurting me, because you actually healed me. You were exactly what I needed.