It's been somewhere around three years since I last met with you.

I was depressed for quite a while prior to meeting with you. Mentally, I was in a really, really bad state. Honestly, I don't know how much longer I may have lasted before you came into my life. Every single day, I thought about how bad my depression was and how much I wanted to kill myself. Every. Single. Day.

At our first meeting, I bawled my eyes out as I talked about everything that made me depressed and anxious and suicidal. I don't even know how many tissues I went through in our one hour long appointment. I was a mess in that room, both mentally and physically. Before I left the room that day, you said something to me along the lines of: "I can't let you leave until I know that you won't kill yourself before I see you again next week."

I cried again at the second meeting, but eventually you had me laughing as I sat on that comfortable little loveseat. After some number of sessions, we started changing my appointments with you from every week to every other week. Slowly, I was getting better. One day, I was walking through my high school's hallways and suddenly realized that I hadn't thought about wanting to kill myself all day. Maybe I hadn't done it in a few days, but that was the first time I noticed it. I was still depressed. I still wanted to die. I just didn't think about it quite as often. It was the first time I realized that I was getting better.

You weren't my therapist for more than maybe six months, but you helped me more than anyone else I've ever known. I don't know which day it was when I finally started to be happy again. I don't remember how many meetings passed before I became happy. I don't know if the day was sunny or rainy or windy or just right. I don't know if I actually would have killed myself if I never got therapy. Some part of me thinks that I wouldn't have had the guts to do it, but I'll never know. And I have you to thank for that.

Recently, I was thinking about how I used to be -- always exhausted, drained, depressed. Always wanting to kill myself. I really began to think about it and I realized something really important: I can't remember what it feels like to want to die. I've come so far since that first day I met with you, crying on the loveseat. Today, my anxiety is still horrendous, but my depression is minimal, and I never think about suicide anymore. Instead, I think about my future and how many plans I have for myself. It's been somewhere around three years since I last met with you and I'm still here, still alive. You saved me. Thank you.