I write this to you knowing I will not join you onstage this upcoming season. Come this December, I cannot sit in the hallway with all of you as your anxiety builds before your audition. I will not be beside you when the cast list is posted outside the classroom. Instead, I will be 419 miles away sitting in my dorm and writing research papers (while religiously listening to the soundtracks of "Guys and Dolls"and "Jesus Christ Superstar).
Before I joined the performing arts program, I did not know who I was. I despised the thought of living the stereotype of an average Catholic school girl. Yet, I equally despised the thought of identifying myself as the “party girl,” “the athlete” or “the nerd.” I recall feeling alone and scared. I lacked sleep and proper nutrition. There were random outbursts of irritation and tears. To put it nicely, I was a hot mess.
Before I joined the performing arts program, my heart, mind and soul did not possess a home. I strongly believe each person places their heart, mind, and soul where she feels safe, loved, and motivated. Home is an environment filled with security and joy. Of course, I had my literal home where my family resided. But, I craved a home away from home where I could escape the chaos of family life.
Before I joined the performing arts program, I never believed I obtained the confidence to perform. I always loved staying in my small bubble of comfort- never wanting to explore the other horizons. But, in this case, I learned how much greener the grass was on the other side of the fence.
Before I joined the performing arts program, I believed art only existed on the walls on museums, between expensive wooden frames, or on ancient canvases. I never thought to consider using my arms, legs, face, or voice as art.
Then, I was crazy enough to sign up for Spring Musical; Thus dawning a new journey in my life.
After performing onstage, I discovered who I am.
After performing onstage, I found a home for my heart, mind and soul. More importantly, I found a family in each and every one of you.
After performing onstage, I gained the confidence to walk with my chin up, speak my mind, and lead others.
After performing onstage, I became an essential part of a beautiful masterpiece.
To my fellow cast members, thank you for harmonizing, dancing, laughing, and adventuring the city with me. Each of you changed my life, in both minute and massive ways. Thank you for staying patient when I did not hit that one dance move, for feeding me during our lunch breaks, and for endlessly encouraging me to push through every late night rehearsal in our auditorium.
To the crew members, thank you for supporting me and everyone else in this program. I know that there would be no true performance without each of you moving the blocks, setting the props, and holding up each set until we completed the whole scene. Each of you carry hearts of gold and abundant amounts of patience.
To my directors, thank you does not even begin to describe how grateful I am for each of you. You recognized potential in me, when I could not see it myself. You pushed my boundaries way out. You popped my little bubble of comfort and taught me that I am more than an average Catholic school girl. Thank you for sacrificing your time, for treating me as if I was your own child, and for turning me into a total “drama kid.”
I’m not going to sugarcoat anything. I am absolutely terrified to begin this new chapter in my life. Partly because I just went from the top of the food chain back to the bottom as a freshman. Mostly because I will not enjoy the presence of my performing arts family this musical season. But, before I go, this is a message to thank you for transforming me into the young lady I never anticipated to be. Each and every one of you, altered my life for the better. For that, I could not write enough thank you letters.
Love always,
Leeann
(also known as Leemom)
P.S. Although I will not be able to dance with you on stage anymore..
...please know I will be in the front row recording every second of the show. (And maybe casually dancing along with you.)
