I want to start this out with explaining what happened to me after the night I somehow found the strength to leave. I was absolutely lost. You had made me completely dependent on your presence, so I had forgotten how to live life without your constant intervention. I was afraid to do anything on my own because you lead me to believe anything I did wasn't good enough. The way I did things was always stupid, or the ideas I had were ridiculous. I believed I was completely insufficient. I want to thank you for making me feel that way.

You might be wondering how on God's green Earth would that warrant a thank you. For awhile, I would be questioning my train of thought too, but now I can see that because of you crushing my confidence, I was able to find out what makes me feel empowered. Because of everything you did, I discovered music gives me comfort, handball allows me to focus, and writing lets me express myself. I have become engulfed in activities I'm passionate about because of the intense need I felt to make myself be good enough, and because of that, my quality of life has improved vastly.

I'm also going to say thank you for making me feel so uncomfortable with how I looked, or how I wanted to look. You caught me at the point in my life where I was in the process of reinventing the way I looked on a day to day basis. You were less than approving whenever I would feel like wearing something "out of the ordinary" for what I would normally wear. I remember you getting angry when I decided I wanted to wear a nice outfit and makeup rather than my basic t-shirt and shorts au naturale look. You told me it was fundamentally changing who I was, and you couldn't stand being with the person I could potentially become. I definitely want to thank you for putting me down instead of telling me I looked beautiful.

If you refrained from your negativity, I would have never decided I wanted to experiment as boldly as I have with how I dress and how I wear makeup. I started wearing all the things you told me I definitely shouldn't wear after I left. I found I actually loved how I looked. Not only was impressed by how I looked, both friends and strangers told me they loved the things you discouraged me from wearing when they saw me. If you hadn't made me want to get back at you in some way, I would never have felt the need to go outside my comfort zone and find I feel confident in anything I wear.

I feel like this next thank you is the most important out of all the ones I've mentioned. I really want to thank you for showing me the number one deal breaker I should have when dating. You treated me like I was only there for your benefit. I was made to feel like I owe you things: affection, my presence, and sex. I bought into your assertion of entitlement and appeased your desires no matter the things you said and did to me nor how I felt about it. It made me feel horrible, and your lack of remorse made it worse. It took some time until I realized I wasn't obligated to give you anything I didn't want to give. Once I did, I was able to understand anyone who had that attitude did not deserve my love. Without you acting like you did, I would never have completely understood the importance of keeping my boundaries set, and for that, I will again thank you.

Although I may be thanking you, this in no way makes the things you did alright. Your role in my life was vastly negative, and its effects are continuing to challenge me. This thank you letter is to show there has been at least some good to come out of our situation as well as serve as a testament to the progress I've made away from you.