Dear "Dad,"
For some, the sentiment of my gratitude to you may be unnerving, confusing and even misplaced. However, anyone with a parent that voluntarily chooses to be absent in their life will understand where I'm coming from, and hopefully one day you will understand, too. I have much to be grateful to you for, more than you probably ever imagined, and your absence has done more for me than I could ever begin to describe.
First and foremost, thank you for being gone, because without your absence, my relationship with my mom might not be as strong as it is today. The bond I have with her—the only person I've had to rely on since day one, thanks to you—is unbreakable. She is my cheerleader, my disciplinarian and my best friend. Without you, I'm not sure our relationship would have reached the heights it has today. Together, she and I have been through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, mentally, emotionally, financially, you name it, and I cannot thank you enough for this. You have shown me just how strong, independent and capable she is without you, or anyone else for that matter, so thank you.
Thank you for teaching me how to love myself. Without your love and care, I learned early on to love myself enough for us both. Instead of feeling abandoned, unloved or betrayed by your absence, I learned to channel this negativity into something bigger and better for myself. Your absence has made me dignified, tenacious and self-reliant. Your absence has given me a fiercely independent streak and a resilience in the face of adversity that I might not have otherwise found. I am forever grateful to you for all of this.
Thank you for teaching me forgiveness and grace. I have graciously accepted your absence, and I forgave you for it long ago, despite your lack of apology or remorse. Isn't that what grace is, after all—accepting an apology you never received?
Thank you for teaching me how to depend on no one. Thank you for teaching me not to settle for those who are only interested in "sometimes" or when I am convenient for them. Thank you for teaching me that some people just aren't worth my time, energy or interest. Thank you for teaching me that there are some people in life that you are just genuinely better off without.
It's unfortunate that you had to be one of them, but I digress.
As grateful as I am to you, I have high hopes for you as well.
I hope you never try to pass my successes off as your own. I hope you never try to take credit for making me into the person I am today. I hope you never read this and think to yourself "my daughter wrote that, and I inspired it."
You didn't do that, your absence did.
Finally, I hope someday you learn to be the parent you never were to me to someone else because I may not need you, but somebody else might.
Love,
Your "daughter"
