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Thank You, Coffee, For Getting Me Through

You're the real MVP.

Rachel Raupp

Mar 13, 2017

Eastern Michigan University

Thank You, Coffee, For Getting Me Through

theBERRY

My dearest coffee,

Thank you for being the reason I get out of bed (both literally and figuratively). You're there for me when all else fails. I can always count on you to give me the boost I need to take on another day (or at least convince myself I'm going to be productive, even if I'm not). Whether it's 5 a.m. or 5 p.m., you awaken me and pull me through all the things I couldn't do without you.

When it's 30 degrees, you are hot, slipping down my throat and warming my entire body from the inside out. When it's 80 degrees, you swim with ice cubes as I take refreshing sips. You even come in frozen form, like a super awesome caffeine slushie. Believe me when I say that you and your many forms are so lovely in so many ways. No matter the weather, no matter the occasion, no matter my craving, you're always there in the exact form that I need.

Not only do you taste amazing, but you enhance my mood to the point where the sight of a human being doesn't totally make me cringe. I just sip on you and things are okay. You don't annoy me, you don't force conversation, you never hurt my feelings. Our relationship is an understood secret between the two of us: you make me happy and I repay you by respectfully drinking every last drop of you.

You're as sweet as I'd like you to be, as creamy as I wish, and as tasty as I make you. You've gotten me through semester after semester of college, hour after hour of work, and day after day when I was too tired to function. Sometimes I go to bed and I get so excited knowing I can drink you the next day. Sometimes you're even the highlight of my day.

Also, I'm currently drinking you right now, so I guess I should thank you for getting me through this article. :)

With love, your loyal drinker.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

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1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

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6. "Oh, so I'll bet you love to drink."

5. "Can you tell me some of your secrets?"

4. "What do you do at your meetings?"

3. "Do you guys haze really badly?"

2. "Is it just like in the movies?"

1. "Sororities are so basic."

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!