As I grew up, I constantly heard my peers make the statement, “My mom is my best friend!" Of course there were always a few “My mom is so annoying" or “my mom is ruining my life." But most of the time I heard “My mom is my best friend!"
I guess I just never understood why a mother's goal would be to be their daughter's best friend while they were growing up. We're not given mother's to be our best friends, we're given mothers to teach us, raise us, and discipline us. So here's my thank you to you, mom, for all the things I hated at the time but appreciate now.
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Thank you, Mom,
For making me wait for things. I really didn't need that cellphone until I could drive, even though I thought differently at the time. But now, I can carry a conversation with someone without looking at my phone every 30 seconds. Now when I need to have an important conversation I can say, “Hey, let's talk about this in person" rather than let our screens become a safety net. Instead of video games and instant messenger, you introduced me to the library. (Which, for the record, is still one of my favorite places.) Also, thank you for not letting me get a pedicure until I was 14. You taught me that these things were luxuries and not something that I needed to survive. And besides, that's why they make nail polish, so I can do my own nails, for half the price. You taught me patience, appreciation, and that if I do everything now, I won't have anything to look forward to in the future.
For saying the things I needed to hear. Even when they were difficult or not what I wanted to hear. Your wisdom and tough love molded me more than you will ever know. You taught me to stay objective and to look at situations from the other person's point of view. You taught me that constant flattery was not something that I should seek. That really, I should be looking for people and friends that respected and loved me enough to tell me the truth.
For letting me – and sometimes making me - fight my own battles. I can't think of a time that you went in and talked to a coach, teacher, friend, etc, for me. You taught me that if I wanted something I was going to have to get it myself. If I felt I was being treated unfairly, it was up to me to address the situation. And sometimes, the reason I wasn't getting the things I wanted was simply because I didn't deserve them. You taught me that the world was not just going to give me things. If I wanted that varsity spot, then I better put in some extra practice hours. If I wanted that internship, I better start revising my resume. You taught me to be self-sufficient and independent. Because I can honestly say, that even being only a couple years into college, that no one is going to fight your battles for you anymore. And if your mom and dad are still fighting your battles for you, you better be prepared to never be taken seriously. (Blunt, but true. Take note.)
For teaching me that fitting in was not all it was cracked up to be. You know what happens when everyone is wearing the same jeans, has the same haircut, and plays the same sports? They all look the same. And rarely does anyone stand out. You taught me that the people who really win at life are the one's who are unapologetically themselves. Those who dared to step out of the lines that society had drawn and be their own individual. Thank you for teaching me that trying to be like everyone else usually just meant spending a lot of extra money and that “Keeping up with the Jones's" was overrated and ridiculous.
So thank you, Mom, for telling me that your goal was not to be my best friend when I was growing up. Why? Because when I was growing up, I didn't need a best friend, I needed a mom. I needed someone who was going to tell me what I needed to hear. I needed someone who was going to advise me from a wiser and probably less hormonal standpoint. I needed someone who was going to let me make my own mistakes.
And to the moms out there, I know this maybe scares you. Maybe you're worried that your daughter is going to hate you. I guarantee you that there will be a phase where it feels like she does. You're not going to get along for a while, and she's going to think that you're “ruining her life." Please, please, please don't believe this. That's just one of those, "My thirteen-year-old world feels like it's ending because you said I couldn't watch that R rated movie" nonsense that tweeners like to pull. But then she'll grow up and have even more respect for you. She'll realize that everything you did, you did out of love for her. And in the end, when she's grown up and an adult, you will honestly, truly, be her best friend. Take it from me, someone who's only been out of the house for two years and already incredibly thankful for the things that ticked me off only a few years ago. Don't be her best friend, because that's really not what she needs.
So thank you, Mom, for not being my best friend.
