This article is a parody, yes a parody. Meaning I do not intend to offend anybody but these are just what I think when I see these texts pop up on my screen.

1. “Hello????”

It’s me, your friend, remember me? Your first year of college may have seemed like it went by so fast that you were dreaming, but this is not a dream, I am real and because we no longer live down the hall from each other I am socially obligated to text you. Please respond when you get a chance.

2. “What have you been up to lately?”

I know the answer is work, but I’m hoping you have something else to tell me about. Please, I know exciting things are happening, even if “exciting” is watching 20 episodes of ‘The Office’.

3. “Sorry I fell asleep”

Hey so I’m sorry that during our grand conversation last night I happened to remember how comfortable my bed is… No… really… I am sorry.

4. “Remember in ___ 101 when…”

I will be honest, we really are not close enough friends to be texting. But, I think you are kind of cool so please respond and maybe we will not have to talk about this class ever again.

5. “Want to facetime?”

Home is alright, kind of sucky. I want to see your face, it has been too long. I feel bad if you are busy but really just let me know if you can.

6. “Omg remember the time we…?”

I have nothing interesting going on in my life so I feel like talking about something other than the part-time jobs we are both working.

7. “Sorry I haven’t replied”

Okay listen, I know it has been two days and I was a little “busy” but… I really was hooked on Netflix last week and that is why I am just responding now… Remember? That is why you would always come to my room instead? Hahaha please do not hate me.

8. “Are you on break?” *no response* “how about now?”

I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU… ITS URGENT… WHERE ARE YOU… okay well since you are not here I’ll just tell the wall of the break room it instead.

9. “I’m ready to go back”

Home is fun, I love my family but I really miss our college.

10. “I wish you were here”

I cannot believe we are no longer in the same state. What do you mean 7 hours away??? Why am I not allowed to drive 7 hours??

11. “*Vine quote*”

I do not have anyone here who understands me on the same level you understand me. PLEASE respond with the rest of this vine to let me know our friendship is true.

12. “I love you”

This could mean a wide variation of things, but typically it means thank you for being my friend, I really appreciate everything you do and the amount we understand each other.

13. “Come visit me”

Please try your best, I know that you are busy with work and travelling is expensive but I would really love to see you. If you can’t, it’s okay. I will see you when school starts back up but please if you can.. Come.

14. “Why is it all of the people who went to my high school are dating someone and hanging out with their friends all the time… Where did I go wrong?”

I haven’t left my house in 6 days, I have watched 48 hours straight of “How I Met Your Mother” and I have a slight Vitamin D deficiency… Plus I am lonely!

15. “I miss you”

I miss you (click the link for a surprise).