"It's better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing, than have a long life spent in a miserable way." Alan Watts was a British Philosopher who provided rich commentary on all subjects of life. In the LGBTQ+ community, we often fight our battles of wanting society to accept us, but more importantly to come to acceptance with ourselves.
I want you to imagine that you are behind a door, and behind the other side of this door are all of the people that you love in one room. Before you open the door, you have to be willing to be 100% vulnerable when you tell them what has been on your mind and heart lately. What is it that you are going to tell them? Is it about a recent experience or encounter that you had with another person? About finding your inner peace?
When you reach for that door handle are you feeling a little anxious or hesitant? Curious or excited? You turn the door handle and pull back the door, all of their chattering ceases and all of their focus is now on you.
At this point you might feel as if you just plummeted straight down three stories at a high speed, just like the exhilarating ride at a carnival. Your heart might feel as if it will run away from you because it is beating so fast. You are looking around the room and stare face to face with your family members and your friends. You open up your mouth and spill the word…
Vulnerability is naturally a terrifying quality of life. Exposing your deepest thoughts and feelings to loved ones is not an easy task to do. For most people, this unavoidable tension and fear within ourselves is what coming out can feel like. We are so focused on what other people might say or do that we decide that it would be easier to keep this mere thought in secrecy rather than express who you truly are. The truth is, no one should have to live like that.
What thoughts and actions are you holding onto right now that you wish you did not have to keep in secrecy? In the video What Do You Desire? Thought Provoking Motivation, Alan wisely mentions that "The moment you have a situation where you are already in control of things, that is to say, in which the suture is almost completely predictable, a completely predictable future is already the past." There are so many situations in our life where we feel like we have to be in control, after all it is a natural human tendency to want to crave that kind of power.
Quit beating yourself up over wanting something so badly that it is making you mentally ill. Stop being afraid as being seen as a "failure." Time and time again you fall back into the pattern of trying exceptionally hard to go after something and then in the end you feel defeated. Lift two fingers to the side of your neck, do you feel that? That is your pulse, each beat of your heart should align with your well-being, alive and rhythmic. Do not ignore your dreams. Live your life in a way where you see past wanting money or material possession, because if you chase only those things you will start to become unhappy. Start to ask yourself, "who am I?" and "what do I desire?" Ask yourself these questions daily and understand that you are human. It is okay to take a break away from always painting a canvas, to step back admire what you are. When you step back to look at your progress of who you truly are, you will find out that you my friend are a masterpiece that cannot be replicated or replaced.
