I've realized that being nice to myself is actually really important.
I'll never forget the day that someone told me these words: "Madison, I think you're a good friend to everyone but yourself." I stood there completely in awe of that statement. Before that day, I never really thought about being a friend to myself, and at the time, I didn't really know what it meant. Now, I realize that you can't fully be there for other people unless you're there for yourself, too. You can't show up for others until you're willing to show up for yourself.
Here are five things everyone should learn in order to be a better friend to themselves. These steps are hard, but they're so worth it.
This is one of the hardest things for me to do. I'm an enneagram 2, for goodness sake — I love to help and I'm happiest when I'm busy. I've realized that I over-commit and burn myself out, simply because I'm afraid of letting other people down. I often worry that if I don't do something, they won't like me.
By no means am I advocating for everyone to walk around and say "no" to everything, but I want to encourage you to be intentional about what you put your time and energy into each day. Pick a few things that you genuinely want to do and commit to them.
I struggle with saying no, but I've come up with two questions to ask myself when an opportunity arises: Do I genuinely want to do this? If not, is there a chance that I might be taking an opportunity away from someone else who does — someone who will do the job just as well, or even better than me?
Too often, we're judged so much on our performance and output that our health often becomes secondary. I hope you know that doing your best and striving for excellence does not mean rejecting your basic needs and overall wellbeing. Doing your best does not mean perfection, and trust me, this is something that I'm very much working on myself.
Just as it's important to set clear expectations in our outside relationships, we have to do the same with ourselves. This might look like allowing yourself to take a nap, even though you have five hours of work left. It might look like showering and getting dressed, even if you don't feel like it. It might mean putting the textbooks away for the night and watching an episode of your favorite Netflix show instead.
Something that's helpful in this endeavor is having friends that actively encourage and hold you accountable to your physical and mental health as well. You can also do this on your own by setting a timer or a schedule. In high school, I had a rule that if I wasn't finished with my work for the day by nine, I would go to bed. Now, I give myself thirty minutes each day to do something that I enjoy that's free of work, whether that be listening to music or going for a walk. It's the little things that end up being the big things — take them seriously.
As an extrovert, I'm someone who adores being around people. I've started realizing that part of being a good friend to myself is setting time to be alone. Being alone used to terrify me — sometimes, it still does. Yet, I've found that setting time each day to do something independently is valuable.
Whether that be writing poetry, browsing Pinterest for inspirational quotes (yes, I'm definitely that girl), or making a quick run to Target, I'm working to incorporate some alone-time into my daily routine. For you, this might look like going for a run or taking yourself out to get your favorite Starbucks drink. For others, this might mean cooking your favorite dinner and binge-watching your favorite show for hours.
If you don't want to schedule out time each day to do something for yourself, you can also pick a certain day each week to treat yourself and enjoy your own company. As strange as it sounds, taking time for yourself is the foundation of your relationships with others. It's not selfish, and quite honestly, it's one of the most selfless things that you can do. I've found that having a clear view of myself has given me greater clarity in my relationships with others. Most importantly, I'm aware of what I bring to the table and no longer tolerate those who don't.
Embracing this truth might mean something different for all of us. For some, it might mean unfollowing accounts on social media that continually make you feel unworthy. It might mean limiting your time on social media. For others, it might mean distancing yourself from others who don't make you the best version of yourself. By all means, be kind and respect them, but realize that you don't need to be everyone's best friend.
You don't have to like everyone, and they don't have to like you. You owe it to yourself to surround with those who are dedicated to your well-being and give you energy instead of taking it from you. As difficult as it is, you can love people and want the best for them but not allow them back into your life. Wish them well, and realize that gaining them isn't worth losing yourself. You owe it to yourself to unfollow your ex or remove yourself from toxic friendships.
The same is true for others. Respect the boundaries that they might put in place, and realize that you don't need to know every detail of their lives, either. Seek out people who continually build you up. These are the people who do deserve a front-row seat to your life. Seek relationships that speak life into your bones and give you a sense of purpose, but realize that these relationships don't define who you are.
Your relationship with yourself takes work, just like your relationships with other people. It's OK if there are moments where you slip up and think that you've failed. Those moments will come, and it's these moments that push you to grow as a person. It's these moments that will ultimately define your character and shape who you hope to be. You are worthy of the love that you so freely give to others — use that truth to advocate for yourself. Live fiercely and do big things, but remember that even if you didn't do these things, you would still be just as wonderful. You don't have to be perfect. I promise, and I'm still learning, too.
You are worthy of every good thing that comes your way. Don't ever forget it.
Finals, exams and papers - oh my! The only thing keeping you sane at the moment is the thought that Christmas break is near. Need a mid-week pick-me-up? Here are some simple things you can do to stay motivated and get into the Christmas spirit.
Walking to class? Studying in the library? Driving to work? No matter what boring task you are doing, listening to Christmas music will boost your mood instantly. Pick your favorite Christmas movie and download the album ASAP. Almost every artist has a Christmas album too, so the options are endless.
Just can't wait to start buying gifts? Start early! You will thank yourself later when you are not rushing to be done a few days before Christmas. Plus, you will get everything on your list. As Christmas nears, the mall becomes more and more picked over. Shopping early gives you the first picks before others start shopping.
Time to put up the tree! There's no right time to put up your Christmas tree; any time is the right time. Getting set up early not only puts you in the Christmas spirit, but it allows you to slowly start putting up your decorations vs devoting an entire day to it. Start pulling the ornaments down from the attic and put the Christmas pillows on the couch - the time has come.
If the peppermint and eggnog coffee creamers are in-store, you know it's time. Eating or drinking seasonal items can put you in the Christmas spirit instantly. Gingerbread, eggnog, peppermint, white chocolate - the options are endless. Or, make a treat that your family only has over the holidays. This will be sure to brighten your week.
Dressing for the Christmas season will make you feel ready in an instant. Still too hot out for your favorite sweater? No worries! Sleep in it at night or bring it to wear in the chilly library. If there's a will, there's a way.
No matter your holiday traditions, keep pushing through and make it to Christmas. Merry (early) Christmas!
We all have a love hate relationship with winter, lets be real here. The snow makes people forget how to drive, its cold, the roads are bad, and chances are, you will be spending a lot more money than you do during the other months of the year. If you’re from the Midwest, it seems to be that winter lasts for what feels like forever. But despite the struggles that winter brings, there are so many things to love about it.
Despite how much we all hate driving in the winter, the snow looks beautiful on the trees.
I think we all gain about 10 pounds when it comes to Christmas cookies.
Who doesn't love peppermint hot chocolate and the other 10 things that take over the Starbucks menu?
Can we please just stay in and watch Christmas movies while drinking hot chocolate?
Christmas, New Year’s, Hanukkah, etc. Holidays are a major part of winter; they bring people together.
Every college kid is ready to be home for winter break.
Snow days in college are 10x better than they were in high school.
A break from school is much needed.
Who doesn’t love walking into the house and seeing the Christmas cards that cover the fridge?
Holiday parties, work parties, New Year’s parties. It just ends up being party after party. Make sure to have a sober cab and drive safely.
The smile you see on someone’s face when they open a gift is something you treasure. No matter how small, it’s the thought that counts.
We all jam to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” Don’t lie to yourself.
Everything is decorated in red, green, silver, and gold. Christmas trees, the lights outside, the nativity setting that sits in the window. Whatever it be, holiday decorations are gorgeous.
We all want to make our own Olaf.
Pond hockey. Enough said.
Ahh... the itch to hit the slopes is back.
Fuzzy socks, sweaters, and beanies all take over my wardrobe in the winter.
Walking through Bentleyville, looking at all of the Christmas lights. Snuggling by the fire, drinking hot chocolate and watching Christmas movies.
I mean bonfires in the summer are great, but being inside and looking at the fire can be just as great. Plus, this just adds a little romantic flare.
I mean, it doesn't get any cuter than that.
Everyone is more willing to give in the winter. We help shovel our neighbor’s driveways, we bake Christmas cookies for our friends, we give to charity. Everyone wants to spread holiday cheer.
Happy holidays y’all.
Shopping for your family and friends can be expensive. So why not make something small and cute while not emptying your bank account?
Buy some clear ornaments and fill them with any kind of candy you want. You can even mix it up and throw in some hot cocoa and mini marshmallows.
Who doesn't like cookies? I mean, honestly?
Buy a cute pair of slippers, some nail polish, and maybe a few chocolates and chapsticks to complete this holiday gift.
This gift is cute and super simple to put together! All you need is some glue, some glitter, a little tree, and a glue gun!. Here's a great step by step on how to make one.
Photo by Herbs Basics on UnsplashMaking a bath bomb is like baking cookies, and isn't as hard as you would think! Here are some easy bath bomb recipes if you want to get your friends or family a soapy gift!
Thanksgiving Break is most likely everyone’s favorite break during the fall semester. You get to go home and reminisce with all your high school friends. That diet you’ve been on for the past month goes out the window, and you get to eat until you put yourself into a food coma. There’s no rush on homework and you can just lie in bed and Netflix to your heart’s content. To me that sounds like an ideally wonderful break, and totally stress-free.
Little do we realize the moment we get back to school, life is not stress-free anymore. The anxiety and work all start to pile up along with the books on your desk. These two weeks are the homestretch: the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
This is not the time to panic, this when you start to soak in the rest of the semester and run with it.
You start to realize that 24 hours in a day just may not be enough
With school, sleep, working out, and trying to throw a social life in with finals right around the corner, it’s time to pick a few because all four may not be possible.
It happens to the best of us. Looking back through your notes, it's almost as if everything that was taught back in September feels like years ago.
It's the little pep-talks we give ourselves that become the most important part of the home stretch. Your trip home for Christmas is right around the corner, and you just need to make it through two weeks of countless sleepless nights and days with excessive amounts of caffeine to keep you from falling asleep in the library.
Just remember, You can do it. And we're all in this together.
Songs About Being 17
Grey's Anatomy Quotes
Vine Quotes
4 Leaf Clover
Self Respect
1. Brittany Morgan, National Writer's Society
2. Radhi, SUNY Stony Brook
3. Kristen Haddox, Penn State University
4. Jennifer Kustanovich, SUNY Stony Brook
5. Clare Regelbrugge, University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign
