This Christmas, the “hoverboard” stole the spotlight as the most infamous present under many families’ trees. Throughout all of 2015, hoverboards have been popping up all over our Instagram and Facebook feeds, showing celebrities and athletes effortlessly gliding through life. Christmas, the holy holiday dedicated to baby Jesus and the consumers, saw the hoverboard growing in popularity for the every day person.
For those who got their hopes up, imagining a Back to the Future inspired anti-gravity skateboard, don’t be confused by the version growing in popularity today. This hoverboard is basically a glorified hands-free Segway that is operated by applied pressure from the person riding it. As simple as that sounds, these hoverboards have sparked hundreds of viral videos of users crashing and injuring themselves attempting to use their new toys. According to CNN, there have been at least 22 reports of hoverboards bursting into flames and at least 70 reports of hoverboard-induced emergency room visits.
So, before you go running to the store to either buy a new hoverboard or return an existing one, I have compiled this list of alternative items as a public service for those who need a little assistance. This list is based on Bed Bath and Beyond’s ROAM Hoverboard, which is $499.99. Although, it seems as if an alternative to walking is the right direction for the human race in 2016, here are 10 other things you should buy instead of a hoverboard.
1. 5 Pairs of Nike Free 5.0 Running Shoes: According to The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than one-third of U.S. adults are obese. This is clearly a problem, so maybe anti-walking adult toys are not the best decision. For the cost of one hoverboard, a person could purchase five pairs of the sleekest Nikes on the market. And if you’re not into working out, you’ll look cute and casual in a Kylie Jenner meets Zendaya type of way.
2. 16 packs of Kylie Jenner’s Lip Kit:You’re lying to yourself if you claim to not want to try Kylie’s collection of lipsticks and lip liners. No matter what you have to say about her lips, I think we can all admit that her lip colors are always on point. If you ditch your wannabe Back to the Future gadget, you can have enough lipstick to last a few years. Or if you have lips as big as mine, or Kylie’s, it’ll last you a few months.
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3. 41 Copies of Kim Kardashian’s Selfish: Surprisingly, there have been exactly zero reports of Kim Kardashian’s selfie book spontaneously bursting into flames. Buying enough copies for all your friends, family and coworkers is technically a better investment than buying a hoverboard and risking a hospital visit.
4. 6 Months of Netflix: This is kind of a no brainer, because Netflix is one of the best inventions of the century. So, maybe instead of mooching off your ex boyfriend’s account, you could save enough money for six months of guilt free streaming. Just enough time to watch every episode of The Office and Parks and Rec.
5. 37 Large Cheese Pizzas from Papa Johns: If you already have your own Netflix account, you can enhance your Netflix and chill game by ordering a large cheese pizza every night for 37 days. Basically, you can be a walking Tumblr post for over a month.
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6. 101 Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes: As a Starbucks barista, I see the ridiculous amount of money people spend on their daily caffeine fix. Also, since I work on a college campus I see first hand what Pumpkin Spice addiction does to the college girl’s bank account. That being said, instead of buying a hoverboard, you can indulge in the sickeningly sweet comfort of the PSL for 101 days.
7. 33 Copies of Purpose by Justin Bieber: IS IT TOO LATE NOW TO SAY SORRY? Well, it will be too late to say sorry to your credit card bills when you swipe for a $500 hoverboard. A true Belieber would never waste money on an injury inducing hands free Segway when Justin’s best album to date is available for purchase.
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8. 76 Chicken Burritos from Chipotle: How many times have you scraped together all the quarters in your purse to get that Chipotle burrito you’ve been craving all day? Probably more times then you’d like to admit. I would much rather forgo getting a hoverboard and get two and a half months worth of burritos.
9. 16 Pairs of Apple Headphones: One of my biggest pet peeves is listening to my music through cheap convenience store ear buds. But, I’m also way too cheap to go to the Apple store to buy a replacement every time I clumsily step on my sacred iPhone headphones. I would so much rather stock up on 16 pairs of amazing headphones than hoverboard my way to class.
10. 5 percent of Kent State’s in-state Tuition: Most importantly, we could all make our parents proud and help pay for our higher education. If a Kent State student, from Ohio, saved $500 they could pay off 5% of one years tuition. The moral of this story? Spend responsibly.
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