I know, I know.
"But summer is the best," you say.
"Hanging by the pool, drinking margs!"
No.
Look, I get it. This happens to be a very unpopular opinion, but I know that there are some of you out there who agree with me. Maybe you're like me, and you're one of the very few in your friend's group who hates summer. While they're all out shopping for new bathing suits, you're planning the decorations for your Halloween party. Nevermind that Halloween is four months away. These are ten signs that you're the friend who hates summer.
1. The first thing you say when you go outside is “Ugh, it’s so hot!”
How can people enjoy this? It's so damn hot outside that I can't breathe! Forget wearing makeup, it's just going to melt off of my face anyway. You want to invite me out for a bike ride?? In this weather? Are you insane?!
2. You have a running count of how many days until Fall.
Yasssss! Please! I can dress comfortably again! Skinny jeans and big sweaters and boots! All the boots! Plus, Autumn has all the best holidays. Halloween and Thanksgiving?? Hello!
3. Whenever you and your friends make plans, your suggestions are always for things indoors.
No, I do not want to go hiking when it's 85 degrees outside. I do not want to catch a round of frisbee golf in the 100% humidity. In fact, it takes everything I have just to convince myself to walk out to the car to go grocery shopping. I literally only left my air conditioned house because without food I would die.
4. Your summer wardrobe consists of the essentials whereas your Autumn wardrobe is out of control.
I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Boots and sweaters. There is no better comfort than that provided by an Autumn wardrobe. Scarves, pashminas, riding boots; it's all just too cute. I can only get so much joy out of a tank top. I'm (not) sorry.
5. Your AC is set to at least 73, if not lower, for the entire summer.
Being at home means being comfortable. The biggest problem with summer is that you can only take off so many articles of clothing before it just doesn't matter. Hot is hot, and only one thing can change that. Air Conditioning.
6. When asked at a restaurant whether you’d like to sit inside or outside you shout “INSIDE” before anyone else can answer.
Rooftop patio? Cool, I'll pass until mid-September. There is nothing cute about butt sweat. Let me get at that free AC!
7. Picturing your dream wedding? It’s sometime between September and March, isn’t it?
When you dream, you dream in an autumnal scheme. I hope your friends look good in maroon.
8. Your friends have to bribe you with food and alcohol just to get you to the beach.
You're hot, you're sweaty and you're miserable. The only thing making this beach trip slightly tolerable is your friends and this ice cold beer in your hand.
9. The only thing you hate more than sweat is sand.
Now that you're hot, sweaty and miserable, you can also add the fact that you have sand on every part of your body. And when I say every part, I mean every single part. Can we be real for a minute? Sand is just glorified dirt.
10. For three months your inner struggle is between wanting a nice tan and hating the outside.
It's not like you're generally anti-outdoorsy and you want to look like you love summer, just without having to actually go outside. I wonder if I can get a tan from the window?
