10 Lies College Students Tell Their Parents | The Odyssey Online
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10 Lies College Students Tell Their Parents

We're not lying, we're just fixing our stance so that we can get some presents this Christmas.

Dana Potts
Nov 30, 2015
Marquette University
124
10 Lies College Students Tell Their Parents

1. You don’t drink/do drugs

Drugs? Never heard of them. Your parents clearly know you do stupid shit in college, they only care that you're safe while doing them. They would prefer you don’t do them, but because college is so stressful, we have no intention of actually harming our bodies. We simply just want to relieve the stress through recreational drugs.

2. You're getting good grades

I only have one A, two BCs and one C, and I dropped a math class. So, I should end up around a 2.5ish. I think that’s a fair grade, don’t you think? I mean Cs get degrees.

3. You still clean your room

Hell no. I'm lazy as shit.

4. You’re not broke

Cardboard boxes seems like a fine place to raise a family.

5. You have your future all planned out

Being a stripper doesn’t sound too bad.

6. You miss your parents the most about being home

It clearly is your dog or any pet, and if you don’t have a pet then it’s your bed. I love my parents, don’t get me wrong and I know you do, too. But c’mon, our dogs and beds are more important. They understand us better than our parents anyways so it’s only fair.

7. You tell them that you gave their change back in their wallet when you clearly pocketed it

Shh. I will cut you if you rat me out.

8. You're not sexually active

Haha yeah good one, I’ve never seen breasts either...

9. You found a healthy hobby, sleeping off that hangover

I love bed. Bed loves me.

10. You’re not addicted to caffeine or anything addictingSo the next time you go home for the holidays, just remember that you're parents went through this shit too or something similar. It is to the benefit of the college student to acknowledge their parents pestering questions, and answer them in the safest way possible. So this holiday season, why be on the naughty list when you can simply alter your response to put you on the good one. We're not lying, we're just fixing our stance so that we can get some presents this Christmas.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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1. You don't have to feel guilty about flirting with customers for tips (or just for shits and giggles).

2. You can be obnoxiously flirtatious with anyone you want. You are free to be that girl that flirts with everybody and makes 'em all smile (it's especially fun when the guy is as cute as Collin Jost). No shame.

3. Making random men nervous with your superior beauty and intense eye contact just for the hell of it is really amusing and empowering.

4. No one gives two poops if ya legs are hairy (your man shouldn't either but *Kermit the Frog meme* That's none of my business)

5. The toilet seat will remain down.

6. There's more money to spend on yourself.

7. There's always this secret butterfly in your tummy that marvels at the possibility that when you go out this weekend you're gonna meet someone super handsome/wonderful/prince-like and have this moment of dazzling dalliance.

8. Nothing is that serious...you can take it all with a grain of salt...you don't owe anybody anything.

9. You can dance with anyone and everyone...or no one (Hello frat boi w/ glasses, I see you).

10. You don't have to fluff anyone's ego but your own.

11. Free drinks and dinners from single guys (It's not taking advantage if they're offering; a girl's gotta eat).

12. You have more time to learn how to love and improve yourself rather than constantly pouring your energy into another person.

13. You don't have to sacrifice your cheesy Jen Aniston rom-coms and Gilmore Girls for his Fast and Furious/other dumb action movie featuring blonde that is only in the movie to supply a relationship to the male lead and to make him look more masculine/empowered in juxtaposition (In other words, you don't have to deal with a guy being a crabby Patty while you watch your cute movies).

14. You can daydream about what your future husband may be doing right now (and not get stressed/guilty out because you're not picturing your current boyfriend that's crazy about you as your future husband).

15. There is more time to be spent with your girlfriends.

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Each sign is determined by the relative positions of celestial bodies to ourselves at our moment of birth, which is said to influence our personalities. Find your zodiac GIF below, based on the traits and characteristics provided by each sign.

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