If you haven’t heard of the musical Hamilton by now...well, I actually can’t imagine a single explanation as to how that could be possible. As for actually hearing the musical, I suppose it is somewhat plausible that you could be a bit behind on the sweeping trend. Those of us who do know the musical and its songs, however, know just how fun it is. It may perhaps be equally or more so heart-wrenching, but we don’t mind. Well, we mind. We mind the tears and the heartbreak, but it is all at once part of what makes the show so fantastic. There are ups and downs. The ups lift your spirits like nothing else and the lows make you wonder if you’ll ever emotionally recover. Today, however, I’d like to focus on the ups--the jokes, the clever lines, and the clapbacks we all wish we delivered in the disagreements in our own lives--in the hopes that current Hamilton fans can “take a break” from the emotional distress that this musical causes (and, no, I’m totally not being dramatic) and that those who haven’t yet known the musical may be enticed to give this awesome thing a chance. Enjoy! (And, yes, there will be spoilers, but it’s kind of American history so…)

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1. The Schuyler Sisters // “And Peggy!”

This one’s a classic. This song serves to introduce the Schuyler Sisters--Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy. Angelica is a powerhouse of principles and intellect who appears multiple times throughout the play; Eliza goes on to serve a major role in the play as she is none other than Alexander Hamilton’s wife; and Peggy’s kind of...the other one. In this song she’s characterized by her anxiousness about disobeying their father, while Angelica has no interest in such worries. Don’t get me wrong, we all love Peggy. It just cracks us up the way this one line seems to fit her characterization as “the other one” to an exact T.

2. The Schuyler Sisters // Angelica: “Burr, you disgust me.” Burr: “Ah so you’ve discussed me. I’m a trust fund baby you can trust me.”

This one gets me every time. Aaron Burr tries to put the moves on Angelica only to get this response. But that’s not the part that gets me. I think it’s got to be the wording on Burr’s part--the way he turns her “disgust” into “discussed” maybe? It’s almost Jack Sparrow of him and I’ll never stop loving it.

3. Farmer Refuted // “My dog speaks more eloquently than thee...but strangely your mange is the same.”

This is Alexander’s words of wisdom when debating the American Revolution with a loyalist. It really sums him up, too. He’s a Founding Father with no chill. At all.

4. You’ll Be Back // “Cause when push comes to shove, I will kill your friends and family to remind you of my love.”

I genuinely laugh at this line every time. These are lines spoken by King George III as he addresses the rebelling colonies. He spends the entire song insisting that one day they’ll appreciate him. One day they’ll come back to him. It reads like a breakup, really. He insists that he’s done nothing but serve and cherish his citizens. Lastly--if that wasn’t enough to convince them--he reminds them that if they are to rebel, he will kill them all, because that’s just how much he cares and wants them back. Ahh, romance. It’s flawless irony delivered in the sassiest manner of King George III you’ll ever see or hear.

5. A Winter’s Ball // Burr: “[Ladies] delighted and distracted him. Martha Washington named her feral tomcat after him.” Hamilton: “That’s true!”

Alexander Hamilton was a player. Yes, a Founding Father of this country was player. That very fact is enough to put an amused smile on my face, but to be reminded of the rumored tomcat namesake...well, how could you not enjoy Martha’s Revolutionary-era subtweet? Slay, Martha.

6. The Story of Tonight (Reprise) // “Raise a glass to freedom--something you will never see again, no matter what she tells you.”

This one kills me because it follows right after Alexander’s wedding, and is simply a classic scene of a couple of guys ragging on their friend for getting married. It’s a reprise of an earlier song in which Alexander and his buddies sing about the freedom they chase in fighting the Revolutionary War. The first version of the line is “Raise a glass to freedom--something they will never take away.” It’s about their very real, serious fight for freedom. Here, in the reprise, they use it to tease newlywed Alexander, in the most timeless way possible. We’ve all heard these kind of cracks about marriage before, but when’s the last time you heard them exchanged between Founding Fathers?

7. What Comes Next? // “Awesome. Wow.”

Ah, the return of Hamilton’s oh-so-sassy King George III. This is his sarcastic response to the United States’ victory in the Revolutionary War. It’s wonderful not only because it gives us a little more King George III sass (though, that is a huge part of it), but also because it’s an American actor, doing a British accent for the role, doing a fake American accent on the part of King George. Not to mention, how many kings do you know who say the words, “Awesome. Wow.”?

8. Cabinet Battle #1 // Jefferson: “Such a blunder sometimes it makes me wonder why I even bring the thunder.” Madison: “Why he even brings the thunder…”

Now we’ve gotten into Act II (AKA, politics of founding America) territory. One of the most wonderful aspects of this show is it’s incorporation of rap. Take the cabinet meetings that could so easily be a bore. In Hamilton, they’re rap battles. I’m not kidding. Following a debate (between Jefferson and Hamilton) over the nation’s economic system, Jefferson approaches Alexander to gloat. James Madison follows close behind Jefferson and echoes his taunts like the little fanboy he is (at least, as far as his characterization in this play goes), and it’s fantastic. Let’s be honest, Jefferson is so charismatic in this play, it’s hard not to echo his every word along with Madison.

9. Cabinet Battle #2 // “‘Should we honor our treaty, King Louis’ head?’ ‘Uh...do whatever you want. I’m super dead.’”

If you thought Alexander had no chill before, brace yourself for this. It’s Jefferson v. Hamilton again and this time it’s about intervening in Revolutionary France. The U.S. had an agreement with France after France played an instrumental role in our victory over England. Only thing is, the King and Queen of France are dead, and Alexander thinks this kind of, sort of, totally voids the deal. At least that’s how it’s made out to be when Alexander offers an opinion on behalf of the King of France…’s head. To this day, the sheer level of #rekt that this line delivers blows me away every time.

10. We Know // Burr: “'You see, that was my wife you decided to--'” Jefferson: “Whaaaaaaaaaat?”

So, Alexander is confronted about suspicious financial activity and what does he decide to do? Reveal an extramarital affair he had, of course! Okay, to be fair, the letter does explain away his suspicious spending, but...still not your best work, Alexander. Anyway, he shows the letter in which his mistress’ husband blackmailed him and Burr reads it aloud, stopping short right when it’s about to get really crazy because Jefferson can’t help but exclaim a long “Whaaaaaaaaaat?” Me too, Jefferson, me too.

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So, there you have it--ten of my personal favorites from the masterpiece that is Hamilton. See, fellow Hamilton fans? Our lives aren’t just bound to the tragic tales of this play, but also the killer one-liners and comebacks sassier than we can ever hope to achieve. Keep listening and keep laughing. We all know we’ll keep crying.