On October 10, 2017 my life changed for the absolute worst. It was on that day that I found myself in a small room at the vet, surrounded by veterinarians and my grandma and mom as we all said our final goodbye to our dog Gizmo. It's true when they say that when you get a pet they automatically become apart of your family. Seeing my dog lying on the operating table, eyes wide open and no longer breathing was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through and witnessed in my entire life so far.

He had been suffering for a long time.

Ever since he got diabetes he wasn't the same energetic and happy dog. He grew more tired, days were spent on beds and couches instead of wanting to throw and chase his toys around. He eventually started to become blind, to a point where we'd have to direct him where to go without him hitting something face first. But it wasn't until the week before we put him down that I learned just how bad he was suffering. He began to get seizures and the night before I came home from work to find him on he couch, legs sprawled out, unable to walk. There is nothing in this world more heartbreaking than seeing your pet in pain and not being able to help them.

When I came downstairs that morning to find him on the living room floor and in such pain, I knew the inevitable was here. And as I held him in my arms in the backyard and whispered in his ear how much I loved him, how much he's helped me throughout my life and how sorry I am that I was ever mean to him, yelled at him and wasn't around as much during this time, I never wanted to let go.

I stood there with my black sunglasses on, tears streaming down, dry-heaving with no sign of ever getting it together. I didn't even care what I looked like because in that moment all I cared about was petting my dog and stroking his small, now bony head just a few more times before they put him down forever. As we were about to leave I kissed his face one last time and it wasn't until we got out of the place and into the car did it hit me and I realized we would never see him anymore.

Although it's almost been a week since he's been gone, my heart still aches from the pain. It felt like a tiny chunk of happiness was cut out of my life and there to replace it was complete and utter sadness. I cried for about two days straight; in my room, in the shower, in my car driving, in front of my boyfriend, during the day and mostly at night. I honestly didn't think the pain would go away because every time I pictured seeing my dog on that last day and watching him leave this world I'd find myself choking back the tears only for them to come out anyway.

We never want to believe that our pets will die, we want to believe that they'll always be in our lives. My dog had been in my life since I was twelve years old. He came at a time when my parents were getting divorced and having him there made it easier in a way. He had been apart of every big and small event in my family and I's life. Fourth of July was spent inside the house watching the fireworks while trying to keep him calm. Halloween was spent dressing him up in the most adorable costumes and bringing him around to trick or treat. Thanksgiving was spent trying to dodge him from picking up any leftovers on the kitchen floor. Christmas was spent re-wrapping the presents because he always managed to get into them. Summer was spent splashing around with him in the pool, taking him on long drives and running wild with him at the beach. Now that he's gone, though, those events and holidays will feel a lot more lonely.

No one tells you what it's like to lose a dog.

No one can ever prepare you for what that pain will feel like when it happens.

No one tells you that you can go from, "I have a dog" to "I had a dog" in the blink of an eye.

No one tells you that your eyes will hurt and be red for the next couple of days from crying so much.

No one tells you that your chest will feel tight and it'll hurt to breathe from how much you've cried.

No one tells you that as much as you want to keep all of their toys, you find it easier to just get rid of everything that was theirs because the thought of having to look at it everyday is too painful.

No one tells you that you're still tempted to call out their name even though they won't hear you.

No one tells you that you can't bear to look at other dogs, whether you're driving and see them being walked by their owners or on the television.

No one tells you that you can't go near other dogs because they don't smell or feel like your dog and nothing can ever replace that.

No one tells you that when you come downstairs in the morning thinking you'll find them sitting on the couch, it's empty instead.

No one tells you how quiet the house feels without their barking.

No one tells you how much you'd give to just hear them one more time.

No one tells you how much you'd give to just hold them one more time.

No one tells you how much you'll miss their smile.

No one tells you how you'll put so many pictures up of them just to still keep them around.

No one tells you how you'll put a picture of them in your wallet to always have them with you.

No one tells you that you'll start to forget what their smell was like.

No one tells you that you'll no longer have someone there with you to help get you through your bad or stressful days.

No one tells you that when you have a panic attack, how much you'll cry out and wish they were there with you because they always helped calm you.

No one tells you how much guilt you'll feel for ever yelling at them, ignoring them or not being around so much for them.

No one tells you how much you took them for granted because you never anticipated this would happen.

No one tells you the regret you'll feel for not bringing them on rides with you or buying them that toy.

No one tells you that now you won't have someone to help get rid of the bad guys.

No one tells you that the thought of getting another dog makes your heart hurt and brings tears to your eyes because the thought of ever replacing them is absurd.

No one tells you that all the memories you had with them will come at you all at once to a point where you can't take it anymore and they're no longer happy memories.

No one tells you that eventually, when you feel like things can't get better, they will.

No one tells you that soon you'll be able to smile and laugh genuinely without having to fake it in front of others.

No one tells you that when you look back at all the memories you had with them, you'll be able to get through it without crying.

No one tells you that when you look back at all the pictures you took of them on your phone or in photo albums, that you won't want to delete them or shut it anymore.

No one tells you that even though you can't understand why they had to go so soon, you know they are no longer suffering and are at peace.

No one tells you how grateful you are for having them in the first place.

No one tells you that even though you can't see it now, you gave them the absolute best life any dog could ever ask for and they were so thankful for you letting them be apart of your life.

No one tells you that even though they may not be with you in person anymore their memory lives on with you in your heart forever.

To anyone who has ever lost a dog, I know how you feel and I'm so sorry for your loss.

I've finally come to accept the inevitable.

So Gizmo, this is my goodbye. I love you and miss you so much, but I'm glad you're no longer suffering. You were the best dog there ever was.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"
- Dr. Seuss