If you’re under 18 and you have had no problem sharing with your parents about your lover, you’re a very lucky person. Otherwise, don’t feel sad about your life because it’s a pretty usual thing to hide everything from your parents.

I would not have thought about this matter until this year when I reach the 20th year of my life, I have been asked by quite a few adults about having a boyfriend. I also saw my Mom sticking to that same question whenever she meets anyone who is around my age (over 18). I think it’s pretty funny that Mom often asked those young adults in front of their parents as if she would be totally fine knowing if I’m dating someone. Even if she would not oppose or say anything, high chance is that she would blame every single B I had and will have in college and all mistakes and failures just because I date.

Growing up with traditional Asian family probably has haunted you on how strict your parents are. You probably have had enough of those lectures and heavy criticism on how to not date someone and your only job is to study. That sounds harsh for those who aren’t familiar with, but reality is even worse. Flashing back to my parents’ generation and some family nowadays, marriage was and is still an arrangement, which means it does not involve love, but constraint.

Excluding the fact that your partner needs to be at at least the same position as you or higher in this society because it’s a must, for any society as I see, there are thousands of other standards. First, your partner needs to be the opposite sex. That’s too obviously, or else you’re considered “sick” or having some “disorder”. In addition, based on some Chinese beliefs, your partner’s birth year has to fall into those that match your birth year otherwise the relationship is “unhealthy,” “not match,” or ”easily broken”. So marrying someone whose birth year does match mine means we are going to live happily forever after like fairy tale? Third, your partner can’t be from those specific race or countries. The person can either be from your same country or white (for some reason the Asian elderly like White people). (S)He can’t stand out. They need to dress normal, act normal, no nails painting, dyed hair, or tattoo, no fashionable and expensive clothing, just be as basic as possible because being unique and style does not exist in Asian adults’ dictionary. But sometimes it's even worse, your parents would not like your partner just because “His face doesn’t look favorable”. What…? I’m not talking about dating some uneducated gangster or drug addict, these are just normal people who I have seen being judged on. Severe prejudice is unavoidable.

Back to the main question, when is it appropriate to tell your Asian parents that you’re dating someone? For me, I already set it to until after I have my first job because right now everything else besides education is told to be a bad influence. So like between age 25 and 30? But again in Asia, not having a partner at the age of 30, you're considered "left on the shelf"...

So what is your answer?