As a Millennial, I'm very in tune with other Millennials. On the off-chance that my friends stop texting during our hangouts (uh-nnoying; look at my beautiful face when I speak), I see a lifelessness in their eyes. I don't need to ask them a single question before I know, without a doubt, that technology is to blame.
How am I so certain that my asinine opinion is correct? Here are seven reasons why technology is evil.

1. Cell phones, 'nuff said

Back in the good ole days, people would light an emergency flair when in danger. Or better yet, they would just stay away from criminals! Now everyone is running around with 911 in their pocket. It's absurd, really. Then there's the constant texting I mentioned earlier. This new way of communicating is so inefficient -- it destroyed verbal communication! Better yet, write them a letter in the mail. Efficiency is found in classic methods. That's why our grandparents did things that way.

2. It breeds slacktivists/keyboard warriors

Get this -- people used to do things when they were passionate about a cause. I'm talking riot. Full blown protests. Throw stuff through windows. But now? Psh. My peers are just signing petitions, planning demonstrations through social media and engaging with diverse perspectives from across the globe via the internet. If they really cared about these issues, they would run around the streets hollering and hope that others join. Didn't get a crowd? Your cause didn't matter anyways. Those social media groups and event pages are a waste of your energy. Put it somewhere that it can count!

3. Too much information is bad

Did you know that 76.3 percent of statistics reported online are made up (including this one), yet internet users take it all at face value? There was a time when people could only learn new things by being taught. Purchasing a book was the gateway to knowledge. Now, with just a .com, our generation can read whatever we want anywhere we want to. I read online that we only use 35 percent of our brain capacity, so we probably can't even store that much useless information!

4. Social media is fake

I recently read a confessional article where an online sensation (one of those "insta-famous" girls) said her beach-scene photos and smiling selfies were not reflective of her every life experience. Like many people, I was shocked. Floored, actually.
I had a feeling she wasn't telling the whole truth when she didn't share a single photo on the crapper, but I believed that maybe she was getting to that later. It honestly made me question my entire reality when I realized people weren't inclined to be Jerry Springer-level honest on their social media accounts. Do I even know these people anymore? Better yet, should I delete all my selfies on the crapper?

5. Narcissism is a Millennial invention

So I didn't really research this one, but I know it to be true because I've seen it! Narcissism wasn't really a thing until we made front facing cameras and selfie sticks. Some might argue that I'm wrong, but I don't listen to people who like selfie sticks. They look stupid. And everyone knows you're just trying to angle out your double-chin.
I've also heard that some people feel self-confident after taking selfies or posting to social media. This is garbage. It's like giving every six-year-old soccer player a trophy for participating. If you didn't play like Hope Solo you deserve to be treated like the water fetcher.
Similarly, people who don't like themselves don't deserve some arbitrary means of feeling better. So what, you're ugly? Suck it up. Walk it off.

6. People used to like each other more

Older generations had more practice being social in a real-life context. When they weren't reading the newspaper, browsing through a book, or contemplating the crushing weight of mass segregation and bigotry, they were seriously connecting.Talking about how screwed later generations would be financially. Laughing about the joys of a trickle down economy. All that fun stuff.

7. It's an addiction

Sure, our generation smokes less than older generations and has been estimated to have a lower chance of drug addiction, but we sure are glued to our technology. We are plugged in at all times. Moving from outlet to outlet in order to get our fix. We are blood thirsty animals hungry for multimedia interactions.
Light up a cigarette instead. It's social. And not the virtual kind.

Please disregard this entire article in order to read my opinions and share, like, or follow me on social media. After all, I'm just a brand and this unpopular opinion is "trending."