Ms. Swift and Mr. Hiddleston,
You are both well-respected people in Hollywood.
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Taylor, you have written such catchy songs about heartbreaks and how we should never ever, ever get back together with our exes who did us wrong. You brought singers from every era in music to your stage and inducted them to your squad. You traveled back to "1989" and returned with a "Blank Space" to write our names on and continuously telling us to "Shake it Off" when haters are gonna hate, hate, hate.
Tom, you are a gifted actor. You make every panty fly as people watch you draped in cloak and golden goat helmet and march with your staff as Asgard's favorite antagonist. You were rushed into British spy government as they tried to convince you to be their next Bond. You can strum a string or two on a guitar and sing with a Southern twang. Hell, I forgive you for your stunt on SNL Korea because you are charming.
But lately the internet has lost its mind when it found pictures of the two of you cuddling and making out. And I want to say to both of you:
No, I'm not addressing you talented people. I am, however, addressing to your alter egos that the media has created with headlines and whispers of who's dating who. I'll call them M.Taylor and M.Tom so I won't confuse myself with Taylor busy making anthems while Tom getting ready for his next role.
M.Taylor, I get it. You've been in multiple relationships. You had your heart broken over a guy who later threw Demi Lovato under the bus for babysitting her rather than treating her as his girlfriend. You dated that one guy who appeared in that one video of Taylor's. I think I saw you as the brunette girlfriend. But don't drag Taylor into this. Sure, she recently went through a breakup with DJ Calvin Harris (I'm still torn about that). Come on, your girl sang at a wedding. She wants them to have their "Love Story." Let Taylor finally have hers, not some rushed rebound while dancing in a scaly, silver dress to T.I.'s "Bring 'Em Out" with a Marvel villain doppelganger.
Speaking of bringing someone out.
M.Tom, look. I saw you trying to steal M.Taylor away at the Met Gala. Everyone saw it.
And don't blame Taylor or M.Taylor for your getting your affection.
You knew M.Taylor was seeing Calvin. She seemed to be in love with Calvin before you sashay between them and their inflatable goose. Not cool. Yes, you were wowed by M.Taylor. You want to "Shake it Off" with her. Yes, she is beautiful. But when M.Taylor is still dating? You shouldn't have pursued her. You should have let her settle in with the single life again before holding her hand and kissing her.
As for you, media and internet, I lost my mind when I heard the news, but do not tarnish the couple's talents and how respected they are in their field of work. I understand that they are celebrities and us, fans, go crazy then fantasize marrying Taylor and Tom individually. Do not bring your child M.Taylor with her "multiple" relationships. Do not honor M.Tom winning her heart two weeks later.
Let us not think about their love or when they will go on their next date. Enjoy this news, and future memes of a Thor-inspired breakup album while it lasts. Let them go Loki for a while.
