Now before everyone comes for me I would like to say: I used to be a firm believer in the talking stage too. I used to think it was important to get to know someone before you start dating them. But as time has gone on and I've experienced the awful reality of the talking stage I have realized that it is actually a waste of time.
For those who don't know, the talking stage is when you're kind of exclusive with someone but you never really explicitly say you're only talking to them. It's knowing you like them, and that they kind of like you, but you're not sure because last week they did this but two weeks ago they said that. What I'm trying to say its a phase of constant overthinking, uncertainty and unnecessary stress.
When you put your all into another talking stage and it doesn’t workout. https://t.co/loUS31MWjc— Dwa (@Dwa) 1582556767.0
You'll spend months getting to know a person and never know if anything will come out of it. This is because when you get into the talking stage, you are setting yourself up for the struggles of a relationship, without an official relationship.
One minute it's an absolute blast. You're texting back and forth. You smiling at your phone like a goofball because he called you cute, or maybe you're cuddling while you show him your favorite movie. Next thing you know you're facetiming your friend as you both come up with hundreds of possible reasons he didn't text you back or you're trying to find out if he feels the same way about you.
It's not like you can hit them with the "what are we" text because communication is difficult at this stage. At least in my experience, I'm often left feeling like I can't be upset over something because "we aren't actually dating." Since boundaries are never placed, the talking stage has made something that should be fun and simple, stressful and tear-inducing.
Now I'm not saying you can't "talk" to people. I know we're huge flirts who love a good tinder moment where we text for a few days. But the difference is that is never expected to go anywhere.
I'm simply posing the idea of bringing casual dating back. If you want to get to know me like actually get to know me: ask me out for coffee so we can have a real conversation about real things. Don't hit me with a "wyd" text at 1 a.m.
please don’t initiate the talking stage, or allow me to reach that different level of comfort with you if you don’t… https://t.co/umZWQ9RmhM— high tai (@high tai) 1581994032.0
I feel like this generation never learned that you can get to know someone while you're dating them. It doesn't take long to get a feel for the other person and know if you want to actually pursue a relationship with them. So why have we collectively decided that "talking" is an okay thing to do?
"Talking" complicates things: if either party isn't ready for a relationship, they should respect the other person enough not to entertain the idea of one. If you have no intention of being with someone, don't string them along for months only to act like nothing ever happened. If they are ready and want to be with you why waste time with all this in-between?
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