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Talking To Myself

Reminding myself of where I am and where I might be.

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Talking To Myself
Cj Williams

Hey there bud,

I bet you never thought that you'd be sitting in an apartment that actually belongs to you and a friend. And that you would be in a part of so many theatre productions. You started theatre when you were about nine. You got the role of Buddy the dog which was probably the part every one wanted but you got it. And somehow you manage to mess up your solo every night in front of many audiences. I bet when you were in speech therapy, the last thing on your mind was being a lead role in two very word heavy shows. I think you have always been good at acting like someone you're not. On and off stage. I remember when you were first introduced to doing improv and how amazing it was to be off script and to just make shit up on the spot. Now you have a project lined up that could be insanely big and helpful to the community. But then there's that tiny little problem you have.

Following up on things is hard. I know it is! Believe me, I'm in college and I also work two jobs while balancing my love for theatre and friends. So when it comes to doing something you never really were determined. You've wanted to make film after film. You've written two scripts that you never picked up after someone said they didn't like it. I know you've always wanted to play guitar but never even cared to take the time out to practice. Don't forget about that time you tried to become YouTube famous when you didn't have a single clue what even went into making a video game recording. You always tell yourself that you're going to make a film or eventually join a band. Maybe you keep telling yourself that because you just want to leave everything behind sometimes.

Do you remember when you had your first girlfriend? Or your first kiss that wasn't actually meant for your lips? Friday night football games you used to love so much because your friends were there and that's some of the only time you got to hang out. Do you remember her walking up to you and asking you what you're doing here? You were wearing an Elmo hat with a black jacket and boot cut jeans. She told you her name and you exchanged numbers. It all happened to quick and you were embarrassed but happy. And then you spent the whole night talking to your brother about her and not sleeping till 3 the next 3 nights. Now you aren't like that so much anymore. You have responsibilities that require you to be up at 6 and hate Friday night football games. You aren't surrounded by your friends as much as you were and you've become an ok actor wearing skinny jeans and band tee's. But you wake up every day saying "I am happy. I am alive. Today is a good day." You kind of taught me how to do that.

So here's to us big cat. To being 20 and happy. This one is for me. Do you remember when you almost drowned? That if your mom didn't save you, how different things would be? I keep telling myself that I'm meant for something but I don't know if I'm getting close or if I'm fading away into nothing. I bet you never thought of that, did you?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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