Salt n’ Peppa talked about sex, but women’s sexuality still remains a topic widely whispered about in hushed voices behind closed doors. Generally, men are celebrated for their sexual ‘conquests’ and women are judged. Young girls are taught to hold on to their virginity and treat it as something special while boys often are treated to rounds of high fives and laughter when they lose theirs. In some situations, professions and cultures sex is even treated as a man's right to take for his own, permission and consent be damned.
Women’s sexual activity should be their own business -- not because it’s something to be ashamed of or keep hidden, but because it’s your body. Often times, sexuality is a topic of hushed conversation because no matter what we choose to do, we are judged. Fictional character April Kepner of the best show of all time, a.k.a., "Grey’s Anatomy," was a virgin and when that “secret” came out she was mocked. And she’s not the only women, fictional or otherwise, who has become the butt of a virgin joke or faced pressure to ‘get it over with.’
But if you have as much sex as you want, with whomever you please, then you run the risk of being slut shamed, of having people whisper behind your back about your most intimate moments or telling you to your face that you aren’t worthy of being loved because you’re ‘soiled.’ The man who had sex with you? He isn’t soiled, he’s fine. His friends are buying him a congratulatory round at the bar right now.
And this problem goes beyond having sex and not having sex. It’s what picture you post on Instagram, what music you listen to and the emojis you tweet. Whether you breastfeed your child in a public place, how much makeup you wear and if you make the first move. It’s how you dance in the club, how many male friends you have and people asking ‘what your number is.’
I would venture a guess that everyone has experienced this harassment in some form. I know I have. Someone in high school decided it would be funny to call me a virgin whore. Because I was a virgin, that’s pretty self explanatory. But I “walked slutty.” I have big hips; they don’t lie and I can’t help that they move when I walk. And I shouldn’t need to justify or explain that to anyone, let alone a high school bully. I also kissed a few boys -- 12 to be exact. An average of three per year. I kissed three people in a year? I was out of control! It’s a wonder I was allowed to leave my house.
(Cue eye roll, so serious I would make teenagers everywhere proud.)
Right now, it can feel like a women’s sexuality is a no-win situation. No matter how you choose to live your life, you run the risk of being judged for it. Someone is always going to have something to say about the choices you make, whether they say it to your face or not. This is not OK. It is not OK for anyone to be made to feel like less than someone else because of how they choose to live their lives. We should not feel pressured to behave in any certain way. If your actions are not hurting yourself or others, then carry on. Unless a person is directly involved in your comings and goings, it’s not their business.
I'll repeat it for the people in the back.
Don't pass judgement on another women's sexuality. You don't know her story. You may have made different choices. Choices that seem equally strange to her. That's OK. Live your life and let her do the same.
