Virginity is a social construct. Purity is not a “must,” to be valued above all else. There is nothing inherently wrong about being proud of one’s sexuality and practicing it with other consenting adults. As a society, I think we are moving towards those ideas.

The policing of (typically female) bodies and their sexuality is something we have grown out of. We’re past the age where we must frighten women into “keeping themselves pure” for their one true procreative love. We don’t have to be frightened by our own sexual impulses and behaviors anymore. They’re not frightening – they’re pretty darn compelling – so it’s pretty natural that people are going to pursue them.

But then - is that the end of the dialog?

Now that we’re all more or less socially allowed to sleep with whomever, and generally explore our sexuality – do we leave it at that?

I certainly hope not.

In fact, I hope it’s the opposite. Let’s clear the purity myths off the table and get more in depth about this topic.

I would like this to serve as a premise for the rest of the following discussion:

We are all allowed to explore our individual sexuality as we please – as swiftly or as slowly as we need to, with a consenting partner (or partners) – or not at all, if that’s your choice. I am not writing this to police anyone’s body in any way.

With this out of the way, I would like to discuss potential issues that do tend to arise as a result of "hookup culture."

It seems that as sexual liberation gains traction, so too does the acceptability of one-night-stands, friends-with-benefits, and similar scenarios. These serve as one-time or isolated events wherein participants explore their sexuality – typically with a stranger or mere acquaintance – and then the contract ceases when that sexuality is not being explored.

These informally contracted encounters do not comprise all of one’s human interactions, of course – they typically have regular human relationships as well – friendships, family; more lasting ties that coexist alongside their temporary sexual contracts. This is where problems begin to arise.

The more a person treats another human as a product to be consumed or a service to be received, the less they see one another as people. Hookups exist to solve a temporary desire – to satiate a need, and then they cease. In these types of contracts – notice, I do not say “relationship”, as I am assuming these partners have no relation outside their sexual pastimes. Humanity is too often stripped away. It is not a meeting of two people, but an exchange of pleasure. It is a business transaction.

And that seems to work out, all in all. Right? Both parties get something out of their encounter and leave content and satisfied. Nice and clean and separate from real life.

Except, I think we all understand how messy life is in actuality.

No event in any aspect of our lives is isolated.

Our opinions guide our behavior, our behavior becomes ingrained habits, and our habits affect those close to us.

The mindset of hookup culture is that a person can be used – commodified as a sexual tool – and then dropped once they have fulfilled their role.

While the intentions of hookups are meant to be limited to hookups, there is no real guarantee that your aspects of life will stay separated. By subscribing to hookup culture, you are allowing yourself to think that it is acceptable to use a human being as a tool.

And yes, perhaps this is not the case. Perhaps you keep your life so compartmentalized that you are capable of being cold and detached in some aspects, while maintaining your warmth and closeness in your relationships.

But maybe not.

Maybe you slowly don’t notice how you’re only there for your friends in “social time.” You partake of their company – exchange information, collect some laughs, fill some time – and then you’re on your way. Maybe they slowly begin to feel like another of your obligations. They withdraw as well. They maybe stop feeling comfortable telling you details of their life – because they’re not quite sure if you care.

Maybe you don’t notice how the only time you talk to your parents, it’s because you need something from them. Maybe you don’t notice the hope in your mother’s voice as she asks the next time you’re coming home – maybe you do, maybe this annoys you because you have plans already and can’t be bothered to take her needs into account.

Maybe you don’t notice that your sexual partner has begun to see you differently, wants different things from you - emotional things that don’t fit into the informal contract you’ve been following. Maybe you don’t notice how cruel you are when you terminate the arrangement.

Maybe your life becomes a series of using people and dropping them.

Maybe it didn’t start out that way, and you’re not quite sure when it all changed.

Maybe, by the time you realize it, you’re all alone – the people who once held you up have dispersed, tired of feeling so drained, so abandoned.

These are only “maybes," of course – each person and situation is different. There are, I’m sure, people who can deal with this culture in a genuinely healthy way, and situations which do not bleed out into “real life” so messily.

However, I do feel is it worth reiterating: Our thoughts become our actions. Our actions become habits. Our habits determine who we are, and how we respond to the world around us.

More than raising a fit about promiscuity when it comes to hookup culture, think more analytically – think about how this contract will affect the way you respond to the world.

The way it responds to you.