Women always seem to have some sort of “issue” pegged on them, whether that be “daddy issues” or this little saying called “commitment issues.” Social media goers have made quite the meme out of these two sayings, but they’re actually a lot more serious than people let on. Commitment issues, however, is the thing that’s grabbed my attention, because a lot of people (including myself) seem to have them, yet not a lot of open discussions have been formed on this topic. So, I’m starting one myself: we need to talk about commitment issues.

First of all, the phrase “commitment issues” describes something many, many, many women feel at some point in their life. “Commitment issues” describe having a problem with the idea of being in a long-term relationship. Now, you may be asking why this has any relevance because “literally everyone I know has commitment issues” but these issues stem from things much darker than just hesitating at the thought of being in a romantic relationship with another person.

Having a commitment issue can originate from past relationships. Experiencing a bad romantic relationship with someone can taint the idea of being in a relationship all together, especially if the past relationship was a physically or mentally abusing one. When people think of relationships, they think of the ones they see on TV, the ones they see in real life, and the ones they experience. People want their relationships to be like the ones they see on TV or on social media, but relationships are much different than those of Bridget Jones or Elle Woods. Relationships come with real people, and real problems. And sometimes, those real problems become too much, and you leave the relationship. We often think, after a bad relationship, that all relationships are going to be the same as that one, or maybe we can’t find a partner as fantastic as the last one. Whatever it is, the idea of “committing” to another person is terrifying, and lots of people have a problem with it.

The idea of a relationship is actually terrifying. Relationships mean caring deeply for another person, and being prepared to deal with whatever comes next in the relationship. Sometimes, that next step after first meeting and really connecting can be extremely dark. You may find some things about the person that really concern you, they may become abusive, whether that be with substances or with you. They might be incredibly aggressive, incredibly creepy. But, they might also be incredibly perfect. So what do you do when you have a fight? Or the relationship ends? It makes sense that after experiencing heartbreak that you wouldn’t want to experience it ever again.

So, before you make fun of “commitment issues” remember that you might actually have them yourself, and that many people have a good reason as to why they have them. But, you shouldn’t let “commitment issues” get in the way of a potentially great relationship with someone you really like (maybe even love). Commitment issues are ultimately temporary; you just have to remember self-care during your relationship, and not forget to think about yourself once in a while.