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I Talk About My Boyfriend A Lot

Dec 13, 2016

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Here’s an important thing to remember: we were friends for more than a year before we began dating. We both saw other people during the course of that friendship. We both got our hearts broken during the course of that friendship. It drew us closer together. It made us fall in love.

At this point, our six-month-long relationship feels -- in many ways -- like a much longer relationship.

I know him. I spend time with him. I respect him. I love him.

And, yeah, I talk about him a hell of a lot.

My boyfriend is a Renaissance man. He loves hardcore music and obscure documentaries. He played soccer and likes adult cartoon shows that make my teeth rot from stupidity. He is intellectual and well-read. I spend time with him. I learn things from him.

And, yeah, I talk about him a hell of a lot.

Maybe you have the wrong idea about our relationship.

I’m not co-dependent. He is not absent. I’m not obsessed with him. He’s not neglectful. I’m not trying to overcompensate for anything. I’m not isolated. I’m not making myself an island. I’m not stuck in the puppy-love stage.

I’m just seeing a lot of different men at once.

When I’m with him, I’m with a CD collector. I’m with an incredibly talented drummer. I’m with a walking catalog of every documentary on Netflix. I’m with a politically-inclined conversationalist. I’m with someone who is afraid of snakes but will kill any spider I ask him to. I’m with a vegetarian. I’m with a Slytherin. I’m with a human thesaurus. I’m with an English major. I’m with a Sociology major. I’m with a sensitive and kind young man. I’m with my best friend. I’m with the love of my life.

And, yeah, I talk about him a hell of a lot.

I’m inclined to relate everything back to him. I’m inclined to be reminded of him throughout the day. I’m inclined to worry about him. I’m inclined to be proud of him. I’m inclined to post pictures of him with too-long and sappy captions. I’m inclined to be thankful for him. I’m inclined to tell you about it.

So, yeah, I talk about him a hell of a lot.

I’ve made some of my best memories with him. I took my first sporadic road-trip with him. I spent my first semester at university with him. I’ve seen good movies with him. I’ve spent at least a hundred hours driving around the parkway with him. I’ve cried on him. I’ve been comforted by him. I’ve shared dusty, unpopular pieces of myself with him.

I have loved him.

And, yeah, I talk about him a hell of a lot.

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I Talk About My Boyfriend A Lot

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Sleepovers are not a thing. They're just not.

1. You only ask things once.

2. Seriously, you only ask once.

3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.

4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.

5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.

6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.

7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.

8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.

9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.

10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.

11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"

12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.

13. Don’t talk back. Ever.

14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.

15. Don’t make them call your name twice.

16. Sleepovers are not a thing.

17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.

For better or for worse

1. Pets

2. Mornings

3. Mistakes

4. Cooking for yourself

5. Hosting

6. Taking care of yourself

7. Holidays

8. Roommates

9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done

10. Cleaning

11. Social life

No, really. I'm not mad. Just hungry.

1. You’re tired of people asking you if you know what “RBF” stands for every time you zone out.

2. You’re constantly using the excuse, “I’m just tired” when people ask you if you’re mad.

3. Or “I’m just thinking.”

4. In fact, you’re rarely ever actually mad.

5. But when you are, people usually can’t tell.

6. You find other people with RBF’s and have to convince yourself that you don’t look like them.

7. You constantly remind yourself, “At least I’m not a psycho.”

Some of your best ideas come through boredom.

1. If the professor is late by one minute, I'm leaving.

2. Oh crap, that's due TODAY?!

3. Can I nap in here?

4. I wonder what they're serving at the cafeteria.

5. How much does my teacher even get paid?

6. How much will I get paid?

7. This is the longest 50 minutes of my life.

8. Maybe if I call mom, she'll give me money.

9. How much do street performers make anyway?

10. Why am I here? I could be a street performer by now.

11. Oh right, I'm not talented.

The Belchers hold the key to a better life.

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