Let's talk about it, shall we?
Because honestly when aren't we talking about it? The nasty, the dirty do, The Big O! Everywhere you turn sexual innuendos and references are shoved in your face and down your throat (no pun intended) . We live in a western world where we are exposed to sex at a very young age yet we aren't allowed to explore and or be sexual beings. Since the beginning of time, sex has always been a normal and regular part of human life. Generally, sex has always had a social context and therefore has always been controversial. Women have and enjoy sex. Just as much as men. I would argue that we always have although it has always been ingrained into us that we shouldn't.
People take up a big issue with Amber Rose and her “slut shaming” movement because they feel she promotes a culture of sexual exploitation while she feels its liberation. Now Amber Rose has her own set of feminist politics and her own beliefs that she chooses to live by. And I have mine. For me, sex is something that will exist in the most enjoyable and harmless way possible within a marriage. I believe that for religious, cultural, health and practical reasons. There are women who disagree and approach sex in a different way altogether. I protect the right of these women to disagree with my personal beliefs, have their own beliefs and approach sex in whatever ways that they want to. Feminism is much broader than sex, but in a general sense, feminism is intersectional. It is always a peculiar thing to me to see girls say, “ I am not a feminist, I don’t agree with it” because the majority of what they believe feminism is entails sexual liberation. Truly what these girls mean is “my feminism looks different from other people's feminism” and that is OK. Feminism being intersectional meaning that the concept of equal social, economic and political equality of women to men applies to all kinds of women. Black, white, brown, yellow, rich, poor, married, single, Having lots of sex, abstaining, short, tall you name it. It means that women are equal to and should be regarded respect and equal opportunity regardless of the socio-economic class — religion — politics or sexuality.
The point I'm making essentially is that when we shy away from wanting to be associated with or respecting women who embrace their sexuality and choose be sexually liberated we become a part of the problem. It is OK to say I don't choose to live my life a certain way, but I protect the rights of women who do and I insist that they are respected just as much as I demand respect for myself. When we can't respect women who are having and enjoying sex, we then walk the line of misogyny, rape culture, derogatory behavior and general suppression and policing of women's’ bodies and sexuality. Sex isn't a moral compass. Nor is it a measure of intelligence. So why is it that no matter what women accomplish during their lifetimes or how great their character is they’re reduced to body counts? Why does sex define women but it doesn't define men?
Looking at women in the media who are defined as sex symbols or “whores” like Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose, I always wonder why that's all they are ever allowed to be. Granted they're notoriety comes from and either sex tapes or sex appeal but both are so much more. They are mothers, daughters, business women, entrepreneurs, style icons etc. The media almost always reminds us that these women are sexually experienced and it is done in a way that tells us they are scandalous and everything else that they are or have accomplished as women doesn't really count because they are sexually liberated. I always wonder what if tomorrow they found the cure for cancer? Would they still be deemed “the hoe that found the cure for cancer?” Probably.
It’s like no matter what you accomplish in your life, your sexual history is a blemish on your resume. You can never overshadow it with anything else that you are or that you do. Why? In fact, why should you even have to prove yourself to be deserving of respect through your accomplishments in order to be seen as more than a sexual being? Women aren't just sexual beings, but we are sexual beings. The idea that you don't “respect someone who doesn't respect themselves” is arrogant, dangerous and perplexing for me as someone that believes you respect anyone who respects you. What a load of crap. Who told you that they don't respect themselves? Who told you that by having sex they have low self-esteem or think lower of themselves? There is power in a woman’s choice to have sex or to withhold from having it. We often times, without realizing it, tell women that if they are having sex, they inherently don't respect themselves because sex and sexuality aren't theirs to have, own and enjoy freely. If women don't control their sexuality, then exactly who does? ding ding ding. Men. If you have sex within/outside of particular guidelines men will or won't respect you. And if they don't or do respect you, the act is either acceptable or shameful. Again…why? “Well I feel like if you're having a lot of sex with different people men will just purposefully use you for sex” Oh? Because women don't enjoy sex too? Because they can't use men for sex too? Is sex only for men? Does it only feel good for men?
I say all of this to say this: I am not having sex, and I have decided to wait until marriage. There is power in that. That decision doesn't make me a saint nor should it determine how much people respect me. There are women who are having sex, all the time, everywhere, with multiple partners, good sex, mind-blowing sex. There is power in that choice as well. They aren't immoral devils for that decision nor should they be treated as lesser beings for it. Its 2016 folks, women can be any and everything. Stop tripping
