"Are you in school?"

"I'm taking a semester off, but I'll be back at Western Carolina University in the fall."

"Oh, okay. Why?"

"...Just to work through some personal issues."

I've had the above conversation at least twenty times. To some people, meeting a person my age who isn't in school is strange. To others, it's perfectly normal and healthy to see someone taking control of their life in this way. You would think the reason I'm staying home this semester is only my business, but humans love to be nosy and curious, so I almost always get asked why I'm taking the semester off.

I'm not going to claim that taking a semester off of school was my idea. When my parents first suggested it, leaving school was the last thing I wanted to do. I felt like I'd be accepting defeat from my depression. Now, only two months later, I can say that it was the best decision I ever made.

Because the semester is only just beginning, I still have plenty of room to grow and learn about myself. But even now, I can tell differences in my demeanor. While there are aspects about my situation that are quite positive, there are several drawbacks as well. I'll start with the latter so I can end on positive notes.

1. Missing my friends terribly.

It's hard to watch all my friends at school continue to live their lives and have adventures without me. No amount of phone calls, FaceTimes, or weekend visits could equal the bond that forms when you're going to class and living on a campus with these people. On breaks, I've had numerous friends come visit me and hang out, which meant the world to me. I have visits planned on the weekends when I'm not working, but it's not the same. Inside jokes form without me, my friends make and break relationships, and I can only watch from afar and try to keep up.

2. Excessive free time.

Staying in a rut is easy when you have nothing to do. For the first few weeks, I was convinced staying home for the semester was a terrible decision. Days passed where I struggled to keep myself busy just to avoid the swirling thoughts and mental struggles that looped through my mind. It didn't always work, but it was a temporary solution.

3. Struggling to remember why I'm here.

On good days, I can't think of the reason why I'm home when I could be at school. At night, when I struggle to sleep, I keep myself up from nightmares and anxiety about every possible thing I can think of. My fear of what others must think or say about me makes me want to get up and drive to school to set things straight. I am also among the generation of instant gratification seekers. It's hard for me to accept that things take time because I'm so impatient and ready for change.

4. Constantly feeling like I have to prove my progress to everyone.

There are so many days where I love to sit in my bed, watch unhealthy doses of Law and Order: SVU, and feel sorry for myself. Obviously, I know this behavior gets me nowhere. After I remind myself what I should be doing, I go on a walk/run, clean, or do anything to show my "progress". It's so hard to feel like my mental health is improving when it's not a tangible or physical thing that we can see. Consequently, it pushes the idea into my head that I have to try really hard to prove to my friends that I'm doing better.

5. Setting my graduation date back even more.

Another semester? Another YEAR?? All my friends will have graduated and left me by then. It's the end of the world as we know it. I'll never get a degree, I'll die alone, doomed to be consumed by wild dogs. Some people call this kind of thinking being dramatic, and I'm not arguing that, but anxiety makes the snowball effect even worse. When I'm not having a Bridget Jones moment, I remind myself that in the long run, it's not that big of a deal. Just because universities are brainwashing my generation to finish college in four years does NOT mean we are bound by that; especially if the extra time I'm taking now is to work on my well-being.

There are, however, some pretty great things that have come from taking a semester off from school.

1. Spending more time with my family.

I jokingly put this one as a con initially, but I know I don't really mean it. I'll admit, I'm not really meant to be living with my parents at this point in my life, but it's nice to be surrounded by people who love me unconditionally, even when I'm moody.

2. Excessive free time.

This is both a pro and a con. As far as pros go, I now have ample time to pursue my love for stamp collecting. I'm kidding. With this extra time, I am able to get fit, read, write, and do things for myself. After all, this is time set aside for me to improve my overall welfare. (Wow, this is really starting to sound like my former health class syllabus.)

3. The opportunity to learn new skills.

To avoid watching every possible Netflix series available in this country, I got a job working at a women's apparel and accessory store. So far, I have already learned many new things about my job and customer service. This is great experience for me in terms of my communications major. I also have time to learn new skills on my own time as well. There are so many things to be learned in life, so I figure now is as good a time as any to obtain some useful knowledge.

4. Being able to prove others wrong.

I'm not a college drop-out. I'm not crazy. I'm not something that needs to be fixed, and I can't "get over" my depression. So far, the best part about this time off school is the realizations I've made.

I've come to terms in my mind with people, ideas, and my situation. I'm no longer constantly going through the motions, pining over every bad memory. Looking at these memories as learning experiences helped me accept what can't be changed and take control of my own future. I know sounds cliché, right? It's still important.

I'm excited to continue down the road I'm on, and hopefully come fall, I'll be the best version of myself that's been hidden for so long under layers of depression.