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How To Take Care Of A Turkey

They're your friends, not your food

Jordan Peyton

Nov 20, 2017

Kansas State University

274

Unsplash

It’s turkey season. No, I’m not talking about how to prepare a turkey for your Thanksgiving meal, I’m talking about raising a turkey.

Step 1: Acquiring the Turkey

Where do you buy a live turkey? Well from what I’ve researched (after a quick Google search) they’re seasonal and can be shipped but only as chicks. So, make sure you find a good Turkey dealer way ahead of the Thanksgiving season! Of course, only to invite it to Thanksgiving with you and certainly not to eat.

Step 2: Feeding the Turkey

I’m not a turkey expert and every turkey is different, but I heard they like fruit loops. I’m kidding, please don’t give your turkey fruit loops. Just go to your nearest feed store and ask what food would be best suited for your turkey.

Step 3: Bonding with the Turkey

Give the turkey a bed to sleep on, like a dog bed, but a turkey bed. Put the bed by the couch, turn on the TV, watch some rom-coms, veg out on snacks together, eat ice cream, go through some hardships, and consider yourself bonded with your turkey.

Step 4: Growing Old with the Turkey

The domesticated turkey only lives an average of 10 years so make sure you cherish every moment with your turkey because you will…hopefully outlive your turkey. Bring them to every Thanksgiving and make them a plate, say a prayer, and chow down on some good eats. *NOT YOUR TURKEY, TURKEYS ARE FRIENDS NOT FOOD*

Happy Thanksgiving and remember, your turkey is your friend, not your meal.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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How To Take Care Of A Turkey

They're your friends, not your food

Step 1: Acquiring the Turkey

Step 2: Feeding the Turkey

Step 3: Bonding with the Turkey

Step 4: Growing Old with the Turkey

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We don't buy into these... just like how we don't buy our friends.

8. "The whole philanthropy thing isn't real, right?"

7. "I don't need to buy my friends."

6. "Oh, so I'll bet you love to drink."

5. "Can you tell me some of your secrets?"

4. "What do you do at your meetings?"

3. "Do you guys haze really badly?"

2. "Is it just like in the movies?"

1. "Sororities are so basic."

There are plenty of obstacles that come when taking care of kids, but it's a very rewarding experience.

1. You get excited when the parents purchase season passes to the pool.

2. You've become friends with the stay-at-home moms in town.

3. You get a chance to eat "kid foods" again.

4. You've traded in your cute purse for a large tote bag.

5. You have at least one car seat in your backseat.

6. Their nap time is your happy time.

7. Lunch time can be a disaster.

8. You have to play the same board games repeatedly.

9. You catch yourself using the same lines your parents once told you.

10. Your "mom-mode" kicks in at times.

11. Your heart melts a little when they do something cute.

You'll never find any souvenirs with your name on it

1. You know you are up next when the teacher pauses while taking attendance

2. When “I’m going to do my very best to make sure I know all your names” is said, it may or may be an empty promise

3. “Wow! That sounds so cool! Where is your family from?”

4. You dread when people ask you to repeat your name over and over because it “sounds so cool when you say it”

5. There’s a 50/50 chance that your name will come back either correct or incorrect at Starbucks

6. People try to find shorter, easier nicknames for you instead of calling you by your actual name

7. When someone famous or fictional character shares your name, you get so happy

8. “What’s your name?” “It’s [name]” “I’m sorry, what was it again?”

9. You’ve pretty much seen every misspelling and heard every mispronunciation of your name throughout your life

10. When you find another person with an “ethnic” sounding name, you both get excited

11. Despite the struggles, your name is pretty unique… just like you

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Don't Be That Person

1. “Oh, so you/your family are immigrants!”

2. “Is Puerto Rico near Mexico?”

3. “Do you speak Puerto Rican?”

4. “You look too light/dark to be Puerto Rican.”

5. “Do I need my passport to go to Puerto Rico?”

6. “Geez, you are obsessed with your flag. We get it, you’re Puerto Rican.”

7. “Why are you so loud?”

8. “So does your family know English?”

9. “Oh my god, Puerto Ricans are so spicy.”

10. “So did you eat a lot of tacos?”

11. “Are you Mexican?”

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