It’s turkey season. No, I’m not talking about how to prepare a turkey for your Thanksgiving meal, I’m talking about raising a turkey.

Step 1: Acquiring the Turkey

Where do you buy a live turkey? Well from what I’ve researched (after a quick Google search) they’re seasonal and can be shipped but only as chicks. So, make sure you find a good Turkey dealer way ahead of the Thanksgiving season! Of course, only to invite it to Thanksgiving with you and certainly not to eat.

Step 2: Feeding the Turkey

I’m not a turkey expert and every turkey is different, but I heard they like fruit loops. I’m kidding, please don’t give your turkey fruit loops. Just go to your nearest feed store and ask what food would be best suited for your turkey.

Step 3: Bonding with the Turkey

Give the turkey a bed to sleep on, like a dog bed, but a turkey bed. Put the bed by the couch, turn on the TV, watch some rom-coms, veg out on snacks together, eat ice cream, go through some hardships, and consider yourself bonded with your turkey.

Step 4: Growing Old with the Turkey

The domesticated turkey only lives an average of 10 years so make sure you cherish every moment with your turkey because you will…hopefully outlive your turkey. Bring them to every Thanksgiving and make them a plate, say a prayer, and chow down on some good eats. *NOT YOUR TURKEY, TURKEYS ARE FRIENDS NOT FOOD*

Happy Thanksgiving and remember, your turkey is your friend, not your meal.