When you’re 8-years-old, your birthday is pretty much the best holiday to ever exist. What kid doesn’t love a whole day filled with endless gifts, gigantic balloons shaped like cartoon characters, and a personal choice of meals and desserts? Literally, every single aspect of that day centers around you.

As we get older, birthdays tend to be sort of a let down. The day isn’t as exciting as you remember and something always seems to disappoint. Judging a day based on how well you were treated, the gifts you received, and even if you went big enough seems to never meet anyone’s standards. People give up their whole day, and sometimes weekend, just for you, and spend what seems like an unnecessary amount of money on stuff you simply don’t need. I began to dread the special day and pushed all forms of attention away.

And then there are some people who never get tired of their day of birth, which is completely fine as long as you don’t get caught up in the suffocating attention or glamorous material items. Some are happiest in the limelight, but overdoing it could cause some unrealistic expectations for yourself and utter exhaustion for others.

I personally don’t dare want a day to practice being selfish. I don’t want a day where I ask the ones who do so much for me already to bend over backwards. My idea of a perfect day would be bringing together all of the people I hold closest to me and having a relaxing, fun day for all. That’s it. And although I would prefer no gifts and am super awkward accepting them, it makes others happy.

When I was about 18 or so, I realized something. Your birthday isn’t really about getting everything you asked for, it’s more about bringing joy to the ones who surround you. It’s not about being selfish or flaunting your gifts, it’s simply giving your family members and friends that satisfaction of seeing you get through another year of life. There is no shame in liking your birthday, just take into consideration that there are other people who have lives on that day, too. So whether you absolutely despise your birthday or glorify your birthday like no other, just remember that it’s merely a day for your loved ones to reflect on how proud they are of the person you’ve become. Instead of just thinking about yourself, stop and appreciate the beautiful things and people that mean the most to you. And that should be enough.