When I used to imagine my senior year of college in terms of social life, I would usually picture the relatively typical stuff: sporty-chic outfits I would don at football and basketball games, amazing parties, and a solid group of friends, topped off by the definitive Best Friend. Maybe there would even be a good-looking, dependable boy on my arm.
However, my senior year, as of yet, does not look quite like this. Don’t get me wrong, I have really great friends at school, including some from the fantastic organizations in which I am currently involved.
Still, I cannot help but sometimes feel I am lacking socially considering my list of friends is by no means endless and since I don’t really have the stereotypical college best friend anymore.
I think these feelings of loneliness can be partially explained by my experience with evangelical Christianity for the past two years—an experience that after serious consideration, I have ultimately concluded is not for me. Throughout this experience, I increasingly isolated myself from almost everyone except people just within the particular community which, of course, is my fault alone.
Regardless, I have always been a little awkward when it comes to making friends and many times, especially during college, I have wondered if there was something wrong with me.
And, yes, it could be said that there is something wrong with me. Not in the sense that I am some kind of outcast no one wants to be friends with but rather in the sense that I can count on both hands the opportunities for friendship I missed out on or even avoided.
I think of the really cool girl in my English class I talked to a few times but never befriended as. At the time, the thought of extended interaction with yet another new person made me anxious.
I think of all the friendships I watched form around me while I simply observed, my earbuds serving as my armor protecting me from any socialization. I think of the group of girls I went out with for my friend’s birthday, girls I didn’t make much effort to get to know on a more substantial level because I thought at that point that I had reached my friendship quota. And I think of those friends I have made but whom I’ve failed to keep up with adequately.
Moreover, this doesn’t just apply to my interactions with girls. I have had in some ways rather similar interactions with many of the boys I met at school as well.
There were the really friendly guys I talked to at the airport who were also flying back to school, one who even texted me the next week. And (perhaps you have already guessed this), I did not text him back to absolutely no fault of his own. In fact, there have been multiple boys in college who have chatted me up and whom I have by and large ignored, mostly out of shyness and fear, which is just ridiculous. Maybe some of them were hitting on me, but I honestly think most were just being friendly.
Either way, these instances all represent missed opportunities in which I could have gotten to know some really great people.
If you, like me, are more of an introvert (though I like to avoid these generalizing labels), I would strongly urge you to do essentially the complete opposite of what I have done, even if it seems frightening.
Make the small-talk with that girl in class because such communication could develop into a meaningful, long-term conversation and even friendship. Never think you have “enough” friends as there will always be new people to meet and new stories to learn. And that guy potentially hitting on you? If you feel comfortable enough around him, give him the time of the day, if not for dating, then at least for friendship.
Your time at school may be limited to around four years but the value each new friend can add to your life during this time is certainly infinite.
